Girls in a traditional Indian family

A girl right from the birth itself grows in a controlled environment under the protection, care and guidance of her parents and family members.Later influenced by her school and neighbouring environments, she develops local characteristics. Development , progress and career advancement etc. of a girl in a traditional Indian family depend upon the family she is born in. A girl progresses in her life according to the environment of the family; picks up the language, food habits and general behavioural patterns , religious beliefs , rituals and many more things from her family. Most of it is adopted from the family and its environment.It is known as conditioning. Before the marriage, a girl learns most of the things from the family and takes the physical, intellectual and spiritual shape of the life . Before marriage, she is matured enough to understand the basics of living a life and dealing the various aspects within a society. It is like a river , which takes its colour , taste , depth , currents and speeds etc. from its environment through which it flows and goes on changing as it progresses on its path of the journey . A small river merges with a big river in its course of journey and big river merges with a mighty river and finally mighty river merges with the ocean. The notable point here is that a small river looses all its characteristics when it merges with the big river and takes the characteristics of the big river. For example , a big river, like Yamuna when merges with mighty river Ganga in Allahabad, it looses its colour, depth, taste , currents and speed and even known no more as Yamuna but only Ganga for the rest of its course. Ganga, similarly looses everything when it merges ocean in the Bay of Bengal. Simply it is completely merged ( yeh vileen ho jaati hai) having no identity or no name of its own . Same thing happens to a girl after the marriage. She adapts everything of in-laws family. She changes the whole life style what she had from her parental family. Though it is not easy but it is necessary, natural and normal . Ocean does not come to the river, it is only the river which after completing its course in a particular environment, goes to the ocean. For the rest of the course of the life, a girl must adapt and completely merge with the in-laws family. ( for food habits, language, culture, religion, beliefs and rituals etc.) In western societies or even now in our Indian modern societies, everyone wants her own identity and individual life style and hence the problems in the marital life , the family and the society.

DRIVING Test;

I had my Road Driving Test on 12/12/2011 2nd time after I passed my first test in first attempt in 1995 in Michigan. I failed here miserably. My G is reduced to G1 means I can not not drive alone - like a learner. I have to call Sushma at home to arrange some one to accompany me from the Driving Test office . It was a Hazel; she could get Pankaj and Sudha Mehta who got me back home. But this was an alarming situation. We do not have many friends here who could be called when needed and children living in USA far distance away and more over they have their own plans/programs; They can not manage our problems while we have been living here in Canada . ??????
I had my another driving test on 27 January, 2012; failed again; with the help of Usha Grace Peter, Her friend, Lueba accompanied me to the test centre. I took my three hours road driving training practice session with Ontario Driving school prior going to test. Mr. Shameem Khan was a good trainer, I learned and practiced a few things. It was useful training. In the test, I thought that everything is right but ultimately, perhaps, I failed for my silly mistake as I stood waiting behind a transport bus in front of the drive way blocking the traffic. I wonder as how long this is going to be. Perhaps, they are too strict with the seniors as it is either fail or pass for G , no G2.I am a little bit disappointed.
27th February; I took a few lessons for practice on road from Saad and Shameem and I was quite confident this time but failed again with the same strict examiner; This time a pedestrian appeared like a devil creating a situation for me. Yesterday, I was nervous and under tension though tried to relax but could not; I am relaxed again considering that GOD has certain designs/ plans of his own for my betterment. April 24, 2012; My fourth Test was on 24th April, 2012. I was quite tensed as I failed three previous tests for trivial mistakes and mostly because of the bias for the seniors. The examiners are really very strict with the seniors and I feel they harass them. Any way, to day's examiner was a nice person - a very considerate lady. She declared me PASSED with compliments that I did very well; A big relief. I should express my thanks to Luba also - a friend of Usha who accompanied me to the Driving Test Centre. I am seriously thinking to write about my experience to CARP so that if they think it appropriate, they can take the matter with the ministry of Transport to provide some alternatives and relief to the seniors.

Women in Traditional Society of India

Women traditionally ( especially in conservative/traditional Indian society ) are dependent on men. Before marriage, a girl for her development, progress and career etc. mostly depends on her father or alternatively on her brother(s). After marriage , she is dependent on her husband; If husband dies, a widow depends on her son (s) or alternatively on her brother (s) . So, in fact, she is never independent, can not survive without appropriate support of men.But not true any more in the modern society, may be soon with time, situation may reverse when men will become dependent on women.

Rajendra Pal Bansal

Rajendra was unique in himself; He was intelligent but desperate and frustrated person in life because he never got right opportunities because of his limitation , family background at the time he was born in that family. Circumstance did not allow him to grow and progress according to his ability and capability.His father had little to offer him or to any child as his condition then was very poor with very limited resources. What Rajendra came to be, it was his own effort and destiny.Rajo was certainly very fortunate to be his wife and to be in that family.He felt left out, unfortunate and disappointed and frustrated through out his life.
Drinking and smoking excessively was the outcome of that frustration. I and Rajendra had very good understanding of each other while all others misunderstood him including his own family members. I will ever remain under obligation to him as he kept my sister much more better way than she deserved.He took especial care of my daughter, Sapna, perhaps more than his own children. She is what she is because of him.I can never be free from his debt and obligation. We had great mutual respect for each other.
He died prematurely just before his retirement ( He could have retired from Bina near Jhansi ). I feel very sorry about if as this was the time that he could enjoyed his life very well especially with the progress of Sachin.In fact, Drinking took his life breaking down the whole system of his body especially the kidney , liver and diabetes. Lately he improved a lot in his life style but during the last phase of his life, he was left alone after the birth of Tuk Tuk (Avani ) daughter of Sachin. Rajo remained behind in Pune while he has to go back to his job , not to return to anywhere.He felt isolated, started excessive drinking and smoking without any proper food etc; got weak and his system started collapsing, one day he fell down from the staircase which could have been ordinary thing in normal circumstances but in this case , he was injured and never got cured rather got worst and worst, finally shifted to GangaRam Hospital, Delhi. It was too late. He struggled there alone with limited care whatever Rajo could give him during his last days.
Rajendra will always remain in my memory.

Prarabhadh

This is subject which has been discussed very widely in many discussion groups. Fate or Free will, Destiny or Destination etc. I just want to put my thoughts in a very simple way;

A person is born in a particular family, community and society;
A person is born as male or female;
A person is born in a particular place, a village, town, city, India, Ethiopia, Nigeria or America etc;
A person is born in a desert, an island, mountain .... later, even migrates from one place to another according to his circumstances;
A person is born to be a specific professional- a doctor, engineer, scientist, businessman, or an ordinary laborer; a butcher, hangman, Priest ....
A person is born as a beggar or a rich, a king or a minister, a President or a doorkeeper etc.
A person is born as a believer or nonbeliever; a christian or a Hindu or in a tribal with no faith or religion etc; or later, even may change his alliance from one faith to another;
Thus a person is born in any dual situation which may even be changing from time to time;

But certainly, one has no choice to choose his parents and his siblings though later he has the choice to maintain the relationship with any one around.
Therefore, one thing is very clear and certain that in many ways, one does not have a choice what to be or not to be. That establishes the concept of PRARABDH (cumulative results of our actions in past lives) and one is born as he is born to some one, in some place at some time etc. Later also, most of his actions are governed by his DESTINY / Fate etc. which is controlled by his Prarabdh though individual feels that he is what he is because of his own actions and choice etc.

A few example may be cited here;
Ms Sonia was married to Rajeev Gandhi in Gandhi-Nehru family to be Sonia Gandhi - to be what she is to day;
Accordingly RAHUL JI is born to be what he is to be destined....
While poor Sanjay Gandhi died prematurely...
Obama was destined to be, what he is today.

In fact, all of us are living our life, short or long, which is already destined, or what we are supposed to be and to be doing...

Living and working in Jungle and desert

Most people know about forest and desert only from their geography text books,but only a few would have seen them (except those who live there ). Both of these environments are very harsh and difficult to live and work in . Going for fun and pleasure like for hunting or safari etc. is another thing as their routes and areas are well defined and people are escorted by those people who are accustomed and familiar of those areas.Only a very few are privileged who have not only seen them but lived and worked there. I am one of those privileged one. The Forest: The thick and deep forests of Doon Valley and Nainital valley are not easily accessible to common men.It was 1963-64 GM Part # UP13 of ONGC which was working in Nainital, Pilibhit area.In that forest area, our first main camp was in Khatima- a well populated town but adjacent to the forest.The Banbasa area of the forest is very thick. Inside the forest, sunlight can hardly be seen, it is all dark surrounded by tall trees and creepers on them.No routes or roads except a few identification marks of survey of India. If you are lost, you are lost, nobody to guide you to come out. The forest is full of wild animals- tigers, leopards, wild cats, dogs, boars, elephants, bears and several others and variety of birds flying around.The forest is noisy when it is windy or perfect silent at other times.Our second partial camp was in Banbasa very near to Sharda canal/dam ( the canal was mostly constructed under the execution of my grandfather, Shri Bihari Lal Gupta during British regime ). The main population of this locality was of THARU tribe ( very beautiful and handsome people with free life style ). Our camp was just at the edge of the forest and our most of the work was inside the thick forest.The wild animals I mentioned earlier on were seen almost on daily basis. They used to visit our camp though our camp was well protected by guards and continuous burning fire and lights to keep them away. This was real and fantastic unique experience impossible to get even for the people who live in that neighbourhood. Living and working was very tough but I enjoyed it and I remember it so fondly.We encountered all kinds of problems, loosing our directions, breakdown of our vehicles, trapped in the Forest in late hours.Every day was full with fear and uncertainty and of course with new experience.But, I am sure that you can not get this kind of experience at any cost. Doon Valley Forest:( 1965-66): Forest starts right from Mohand where we had our first camp just at the edge of the forest and a valley of hilly flowing river.Second camp was in Biharigarh on the other side of the valley. The forests had a few huts here and there where some tribes ( muslim banjaras ) were living in small groups.Who were they? , how were they living there? , their life styles etc. I tried to know about them but that would be too much to describe here. I may write about it seperately somewhere else.From both the camps , we were doing our work for ELECTRICAL Exploration for ONGC.This was even harder work what I did in Banbasa area.The work was done in the isolated valleys in the thick forests during the nights only.It was a tougher job in the rough hilly valleys and stony river lets and also with the fear of wild animals though we were protected with lights and fire etc.This was a different kind of unique experience not only living but working in the forest areas. THAR Desert: Difficult to imagine the natural environment of a desert and especially of our famous desert of THAR in Rajasthan.One could know the geography of the desert from the standard text books but not the real conditions which are harsh, unimaginable and monotonous etc.Indian Railways operates up to Jaisalmer only - a tourist point- a big city established by the kings of that time ; has all facilities for the tourists ( a must place to visit ); from Jaisalmer to Ramgarh is a tar road; a bus operates on that route , not sure about the frequency, perhaps once in a week or so; Ramgarh is the last village with a population of few hundreds.From Ramgarh to Longenwala via Gamnewala is a sand-tar road constructed by military now. At the time, we were working there, there was nothing after Ramgarh except high sand dunes mostly naked without even a bush.Area after Ramgarh is real desert only with shifting high sand dunes, no bush, no tree or any kind of vegetation. In this area you travel just in wilderness.These places known as Gamnewala, Longenwala, Ghotaru and Shahgarh etc. are known as halting places for the nomades as these places have the water wells.Ghotaru even does not have a well but a flat gravel spread without much sand. This was the place about 200 miles from Jaisalmer, deep in the desert and very near to the Pakistan border.We used to change our mud tread tires to sand tread tires in Ramgarh so that our high power vehicles could track the sand dunes. ( one simply can not travel in this area with ordinary and normal vehicles .This area is simply impossible to access for the civilians and most people even living in Rajasthan can not think of visiting this area. No tracks, no directions, no identifications, even the sand dunes are sifting ones, to day, they were here to morrow, they would be somewhere else.It is due to our drivers who knew every inch of this area, we could travel inside the desert.Inside, there is no living being, a fly, mosquito etc. but variety of scorpions including the flying ones every where.;pin drop silence as nothing to make sound or noise.The sand in this area does not move but runs during the day time when the temperatures during 11am to 4pm. are very high and simply not tolerable and in the night freezing. I lived and worked in that area for about five months.A very unique experience of living and working with a few people living in the camp. our camp was very near to Pakistan border , therefore, most of the labourers were from the nearby areas of Pakistan.Our camp guard/watchman, Karima, invited me several times to his village in Pakistan.Karima was very honest and sincere person to the core. Seismic work was done mostly in the night . The work was really very tough.It was possible only due to good team work and hard working local people.The limited source of water was only from Longenwala well which was about 50 miles from our camp.Living in an isolated, rough place with limited facilities in the hostile environment is an experience in itself. However,I never felt bad about it rather enjoyed being in the typical and unique situation. It is hard to visualize or conceptualise the situation or environmental conditions of that place. Just imagine as how one could manage day to day affairs of living- bread and butter for breakfast,something for lunch or dinner, without any market nearby ( nearest for limited things was Jaisalmer about 200 miles- one full day for going there only ). We had powerful generators, therefore we enjoyed certain luxury of having light, referigirator and air conditioned office and wireless system for communication even in the far remote area of the desert.But what about those poor people born, brought up and living in that place?.They were deprived from those technological advances and advantages.These technological advances and advantages are again for those privileged people again living in posh urban areas.

TALKING THALI

This article is reproduced from;

http://devdutt.com/the-talking-thali/

The Talking Thali

Jan 16, 2012 | Filed under Articles, Myth Theory.

Published in First City, Dec. 2011



The best way to destroy a culture is to destroy the kitchen. For it is in the kitchen that a language is spoken that addresses the eye, the ear, the nose, the tongue and even the skin, all five senses, something that all of us are exposed to since childhood but few of us realize. By cooking Chinese food in the Chinese way,the Chinese mother makes her child Chinese. By cooking Zulu food in the Zulu way, the Zulu mother makes her child Zulu.

No child is born with an understanding of culture. As the child grows up his mind is shaped by thoughts of those around. But these thoughts are not necessarily communicated through words, and certainly not the written word. What the mind receives are not instructions but patterns. And patterns have always been communicated through symbols, stories and rituals. The kitchen is full of symbols and rituals that shape the mind of the child. Change these symbols and rituals and you change the thoughts of the children and with it the culture of an entire community. It is a surprising fact that this has not been realized or noticed by child psychologists. Perhaps the humble kitchen as a place of learning seems to be far fetched for the modern mind.

A traditional Indian kitchen was a sacred space. It was decorated with auspicious signs. Sometimes, it doubled up as the puja room. In many households, you are not allowed to enter the kitchen with footwear, you are expected to bathe before lighting the kitchen fire, you are not allowed to eat unless you have taken a bath – all this clearly gave the child a message, food is not just for filling the stomach, food is something special and sacred, the offerings of the yagna of life. Without food, there is no existence. Today, the kitchen is changing in character. The aim is to create a kitchen that is highly efficient and effective and sanitized to satisfy the needs of the working couple. It almost seems like a factory: a good fridge, a good dishwasher, pressure cooker, gadgets to mix and grate and pound and mince, microwaves to quickly heat food. It is clean and quick, everything wrapped in foil and plastic, no stains, no smells, no vapors. What is the message? Cooking is a chore, an industrial activity, food is merely nourishment for the body, of functional value primarily.

What changed the kitchen from temple to factory? Is it the rise of secularism that saw food scientifically and rejected all sacred notions as silly superstition? Is it the rise of feminism, the Western variety, which saw the kitchen as a prison created by men for women? Kitchen duties, once the soul of the household, became a burden. There is a desperate need for quick solutions – easy to cook food, ready made food, outsourced food, food cooked by a cook, to liberate the lady of the household. Food ordered from outside has become more exciting than boring daily kitchen fare. The message: everything can be outsourced, everything can be industrialized, even the hearth.

It is in the kitchen that the Indian child learns the concept of ‘jhoota’ of pollution; how food that has been tasted by someone else spoils the food. One never tastes food while cooking and one never offers tasted food to the gods. Eating ‘jhoota’ food is a sign of love and subservience; we eat the ‘jhoota’ of gods and elders. In a Chinese kitchen, the child learnt how using chopsticks is the sign of civilization; only barbarians used hands, knives and forks. They learnt how a good cook always cuts food in tiny pieces so that they are chopstick-friendly. In a Roman kitchen, the child learnt that it was a luxury to be eat food while lying down. In India, eating while lying down was akin to show disrespect to food.

In the Indian kitchen, the child learnt to value approximation over exactness. Cooks never measured the quantity of salt to be added; it was all by judgment, salt to taste. Recipes were never written down but passed down through apprenticeship. One figured out proportion visually, by seeing the amount of food before, and through smell, never taste. Cooking therefore had to be creative, demanding opening up of other senses, beyond the taste buds. The cook was expected to rely on his eyes and ears and finger tips and nose, anything but the mouth. The absence of recipes indicated to the child that life was not about formulas. You had to work with what you had and be creative at it. It also meant that wisdom could not be stored outside human beings, in documents. The dish had no independent existence outside the cook. When the mother died, the particular taste of her dal went with her.

The masala box is a powerful tool to explain adjustments and accommodation. Every masala box had the same ingredients – but the proportions used by different cooks created different flavors. Bad food could be made good by adding another spice. Thus everything could be managed, with a little bit of creativity. With ready made masala packets coming in, the tastes are getting increasingly standardized, a sign of what may be called Westernization.

In most parts of the world, people sat around the hearth and ate around it. In deserts, meat cooked over the fire was cut and served on flat bread. In cold climates, a pot hung over the hearth around which the family gathered. Whatever was caught and collected during the day was put in the pot – thus was born the soup and the broth, to be eaten with bread. In Islamic countries, food was served on a single dish to evoke equality and brotherhood. In Punjab, the notion of a collective oven to make bread created the romantic notion of ‘sanjha choolah’ where women gathered to gossip and bake bread at dusk just as they gathered around the well at dawn. In China, eating together with all dishes placed in the center, was a sign of unity. In Europe, food was served initially in the centre of the table and you ate what you could reach or was passed on to you by your neighbor – the precursor of buffet food, where each one is for himself, though everyone has access to bounty. Later, as manpower was increasingly available in rich households, food started being served by servants. In the 16th century, eating with forks and knives gained popularity; before that,all was finger food. How you ate food and your understanding of subtle flavors and aromas became a measure of your aristocracy.

In India, food was always served on a thali, either made of leaves (organic hence disposable) or metal (inorganic hence needed to be washed). Everyone ate in separate utensils, to reinforce the idea of ‘jhoota’. The women served the food. The men of the household ate first, then the children and finally the women. This was hierarchy established. Good food in India had much to do with caste hierarchy: food cooked in ghee, and by Brahmins, was highly prized, resulting in the employment of the ‘maharaj’ in royal and affluent households. The cook in these places had a higher station than the members of the household and so had a greater control over the kitchen fire than even the women of the household.

In most cultures, feasts are associated with festivals and rites of passage such as marriage, childbirth and the end of bereavement. Food was a powerful tool to establish religious and communal identity. Kosher food ensured that the Jewish people retained their identity as they wandered the world seeking a home. In Muslim households, the holy month of Ramzan is marked by fasting by day and feasting at night; everyone breaks the fast with dates on sighting of the moon. In many Christian households, during Lent no egg, or fish, is eaten leading to large consumption of eggs after Easter. Hindus become strict vegetarian either in the month of Shravan or the month of Kartik. Sour food is not eaten on Fridays to remind the household of Santoshi, the goddess of satisfaction. The kitchen fires are not used for several days when a death occurs in the family. Hindus offer Shiva raw milk, Krishna butter, while the goddess is offered lime. Thus through rites and ritual, food comes to acquire meaning.

The way food is eaten also has impact on the way we think. Imagine eating a proper four course meal: first there is the soup, then the salad, then the main course and finally desert. Everything is controlled and sequential. Now imagine eating a thali: everything served simultaneously, the salad, the rice, the roti, the curries, the sweets, even the chutneys and papad. The Western meal is served in a linear way while the Indian meal is served in a cyclical way. The movement of the hand in Western food as the meat is cut and forked, is highly linear while the finger moves circularly while tearing the roti or mixing the rice. The Indian dishes are not eaten individually but have to be mixed, a practice that is uniquely Indian. So in Western cuisine, we taste what the cook serves but in Indian cuisine we taste our own mixture. This is the height of customization. Could this be the reason why Indians are so individualistic and resist working in a team as a group?