My Regrets

Decisions and actions change from time to time according to individual's circumstances- conditioning according to environment, perception ( knowledge and understanding ) , experience , exposure , priorities and many other social, religious and economic factors; At every distinct stage of life when you evaluate and assess your past, you feel that you could have done this or you should have done that or you would have done a particular thing in some other way. Every sensible person may realize this kind of situation at various stages of life . It is quite normal for every person.In fact it  just happens to be like that unknowingly  because of our ignorance and negligence or being busy with different perspectives and priorities; do not think to give back something to them who so rightly deserve though never demand or expect anything from us. Even to day , I may not be knowing as what I am supposed to do.  I wish if there are some standard guidelines available at the appropriate time to all of us in the society.
In my retirement when I look back at my past, I do realize that for my ignorance, negligence , inexperience or different priorities at particular time, I could not do certain things which I would have done. I would like to mention  a few of my regrets of life here:

1. My maternal grandmother ( my nani ) was the person with whom I spent the core of my life , 1950 to 1955; I have separately written my thoughts about her. I can never forget for her care, and love for me. It appears to me now as she was born to take care of me and my other siblings. I owe to her. I can never be free from her debt she left on me. I regret that I could not do anything for her; She died too early , I was not even settled properly in my career and life. Perhaps, I was unable to realize, understand to do anything for her at that time.Certainly, whatever I would have done for her would have not been enough. I carry this regret every day with me.

2. My Mentor- My college Principal, Shri C S Sinha; We had special relationship, may be from our previous lives. He was very caring and loving person. He treated me like his own son. He gave away everything he had for the academic cause and the development of the College. He retired with nothing with him, any money, assets , house or any such thing as his savings to live in his retirement. I wonder as how he lived rest of the life. Once, in 1968 after a long break of time, he wrote me a letter mentioning his pitiable condition of living; living with only two sets of shirts and payajama and with meager earning by giving private tuition; further mentioned that families where he goes to give tuition, taunt behind his back that what kind of MA( London )  and DIC , he is ? and what kind of Principal he was as he was observed wearing only two sets of cloths for long time and that too not properly washed and ironed; He requested me to send Rs.50/- so that he may get another set of cloths. I did sent him Rs. 100/ instead of Rs.50/- but never asked again if he needed my help in any way. I should have asked him again and again if he needed my help. There was no body to support him in his old age. I do not know as he passed his last day of life. I feel utterly regret about my negligence in this regard.

3. My father; My father died as a pauper leaving almost nothing behind; a few cloths, no money rather some debt; died because of poor health; I have seen him in real miserable situations having nothing with him. When he died, I could not cry but felt guilty that I did not take care of my father especially about his health mainly due to his financial bankruptcy. I took care of his responsibility like education of my younger brothers; marriage of my sisters especially almost 100% of my youngest sister Rajo but could not take care for his personal health and other aspects. I would have done it as my own responsibility though my brothers who were also well -to-do could have shared some of it. They simply did not care or thought about.

4. My Grandmother- mother of Om Prakash (OMI) and Krishan Kumar; She was poorest of us; I saw her living only with a few dirty and most used cloths even on festivities also, she did not have some thing nice to wear. Though at times, I helped her financially but why I could not help her materially with small things like some new saries or even some good used ones. Sushma shares my regret that why we could not think in this direction. Now when we feel to help others even the strangers, why at that time, we could not think about the people who were so near to us.she loved me the most and expected a lot from me .Time has gone; She has also gone and now what is the use to think about it.

5. My neighbours like Shri Ram Narain, Shri Gharib Das, who were so loving and caring for me. I never thought anything to do for them; they have been haunting me every day since long; I wonder why such thought of doing something did not come to me when they were alive and I was in a position to do something for them. They had no body of their to take care or to do any thing for them. So lonely and uncared by the society. At least some small gifts or a gesture . They would have been so happy even for the smallest gift for them.

6. Others; There are people they love us and care for us without expecting anything; During our active life, we simply forget to think about them; NARAIN is one who comes to my mind, our block servant in Braucha Hostel, BHU; was so affectionate and caring that without even my noticing , he will take care of my personal things, cleaning the room, washing the room, giving cloths to washer man etc; reminding to get up early in the morning; I remember one of his typical comment: " Sahib Uthiye,nahi tau exam ke time par rikshaw mangwai " : Sorry about him; I did nothing for him like most students who might have not done also anything for him; Students after leaving the hostel, just forget them. Master SHIV PRASAD; my childhood teacher in Chandpur , very strict ; used to even beat me on my fingers but bent upon that I must learn; I used to take tuition with him at home as well as in his small place where he used to teach some other children also; I very often remember him for his personal interest in me though it was there for all his students. Why should I have forgotten him through out my life and remember him now in retirement. I owe to him as I did not do anything in return for him. I am seriously thinking to initiate a scholarship in his name for primary school children in Chandpur.

My expulsion from BHU hostels; 1960

A very strange and interesting experience , I had in April, 1960. I was the student of M.Sc.Previous (Geophysics) and living in Broacha Hostel- special corner room 13A. My room mate was C.D.P.Singh - a student of M.Sc.(Geology)., The life in BHU hostels is very smooth and comfortable with all necessary facilities available. Broacha Hostel had six wings, known as A,B,C,D,E and F blocks. Most of the students of Science faculty lived in this hostel. Each block had a separate warden  to facilitate day to day affairs of the students living in that block. Each block had a few messes to provide the catering facilities for Lunch and dinner. Each mess having about 20 members was managed by them and a monitor to look after the mess. There was a central Cafeteria for tea, coffee, tiffin and breakfast etc. even the lunch and dinner was also served with their own menu and price.My warden was Prof. A.K.Bhattacharyya from the Department of Geology.A wonderful , helpful and very caring person.
I was the monitor for the month of March-April, to manage the mess. The quality of the food supplied by our Cook ( known as Maharaj ) was deteriorating every day. All the members were fed up and complaining about. After several warnings, I removed the cook. I never  knew the system of hostel management except that we had a Chief warden, Prof Y.R.S.K Sarma, also the warden of B block. I did not know even the role or function of the Chief warden. As a student who will never bother for these things, just be busy with your studies and other activities. The cook reported to Prof Srinivasan, warden of C block and also the in-charge to look after the messes of the hostel. Prof Srinivasan called me and asked me as why should I remove the cook??? I explained him in detail but without understanding  our problem, he ordered that if we want to have the mess, we have to have the same cook. I requested him that he should visit our mess and see the quality of the food , he was supplying to us. He rebuked me and asked me not to argue any more.He further reported to the Chief warden that I was arguing with him and misbehaved with him.Prof. YRSK Sarma called me for my explanation and without listening me for any thing told that a disciplinary action would be taken against me for my misbehavior. I did not take it seriously as I never considered this as a matter of concern  or grave. Got busy with my studies for coming up examination.
At the end of the month of May, after the examination, I got a letter to appear before an Inquiry Committee to explain about my behaviour with Prof. Srinivasan. Some times , later I came to know as what happened. Chief warden reported the issue to the Dean of the Students , then Prof. S.C.Dasgupta and he then to the University Authorities . University formed the Inquiry Committee:

The INQUIRY Committee: comprised , the Principal of Science College, Prof. Raj Nath, Dean of Science Faculty, Prof. Ram Lochan Singh, Dean of the Students, Prof. S.C.Dasgupta, Chief Proctor, Prof. R.S.Chowdhry , Head of the Dept. of Physics, Prof. Anant Ram Verma. I wonder, they could not find any more members to investigate this silly and petty issue of a graduate student of the prestigious Department of Geophysics. Twelve students are selected on the basis of strict merit in this department. Each student is expected to be very responsible and  serious.
When I saw the Board of Inquiry with so many members of those positions sitting in the Science College Office, I was amazed and several questions of why why ...??? came to my mind. This looked me a kind of joke- very funny, a mockery of the system. The deliberations of the Committee were still the worst and funny. No body wanted to listen my point of view or any kind of explanation. Only question they had that why I insulted the Prof. Srinivasan and rest of all the statements or funny statements were among themselves ( just one to mention here; Prof Dasgupta said, " Dr. Rajnath that this boy is from your Department" Dr Rajnath replied " Do you think that he is learning these things from me " ) . A few minutes and it was all over , wasting their valuable time . I never thought such kind of deliberations, Board of Inquiry etc. within an academic Institute of this size and type like BHU. for such a petty matter ; I came out and laughed at myself and did not take it seriously.
Before, I left my hostel for summer vacation after my examination, I got the verdict from the University Office:
1. My parents would be informed about the incident,
2.I must write a letter of apology for the incident,
3. I am expelled from all the BHU hostels with immediate effect.
4. I should pay Rs.50/- as fine to the University.
5.It is understood that all the privileges of any scholarship, fee concession etc. would automatically would be withdrawn.

I never imagined this kind of consequences and multiple punishments for no fault of mine.
For all these years , I have been thinking about this incident , told to my friends and other well wishers and they all laughed at it.
Well, I went away on my vacation and forgot about it. When I came back, I noticed that it was serious matter to stay away from the campus and study for my final examination.Well, another funny incident to mention here about the meanness of the Chief warden, YRSK. When he found me sitting with my classmate , Mr, M.L.Gupta in his room. He warned me for further consequences and ML Gupta that if he provided me shelter, he would also be expelled from the hostel; How funny and mean on the part of an academic.....
Well, I found a room in Kailash Lodge in Lanka, outside the BHU campus, not very far from it. Mr. Guha , my another classmate joined me in that room. I do not remember as how and why, he was expelled from the BHU hostels. Kailash Lodge and especially our room was very big and comfortable; had an open terrace towards the market of Lanka. Kailash Lodge had all the basic facilities of a hostel.Absolutely no problem. I purchased a bicycle to commute to the University. But, still problem of loosing Rs.150/- pm scholarship because of the punishment clause of the University , if punished for any thing, loose all the benefits and privileges including the scholarship. That means that unless the whole process of the punishment is reversed , it was not possible. Cashier will not accept the fees unless I pay the fine and if I pay the fine, a punishment is already imposed. I am unable to pay my tuition fees and scholarship is already stopped.
Reversal Process;

I worked out the strategy to get back to the University Hostel and get reversed the verdict of the Inquiry Committee;
1. I wrote a letter of withdrawal from the course to my Head of the Department ( which was not easy for the University Authorities , Geophysics being a special course supported by the Government of India )  mentioning that staying outside of the university would not be suitable for my studies and I may loose my rank etc. ( though some students like A.K.Ghosh, BB Bhatacharyya  were living only outside ); My letter was supported by the Warden of Kailash Lodge with good moral and character and behaviour ; got convinced HOD ;  Prof. Rajnath as HOD and Principal of Science College ( just to mention here that he was my mentor also; I was there in the Department only because of him ) wrote a strong recommendation that I should be given a seat in BHU hostel to carry out my studies smoothly for my final examination. With this letter, I have to visit , Dean of the Science Faculty, Prof, R,L Singh, Chief Proctor, Prof RS Chowdhary  and the Dean of the students, Prof Dasgupta; not in their offices but at their residences, requesting them very humbly, innocently; they all recognized me, laughed at me and several visits to them, they finally endorsed the recommendation; With final recommendation and order by Dean of the students , Prof Dasgupta said " I am putting under the control of a very strict warden of Dhanrajgiri Hostel-( Hostel meant for Mining and Metallurgy Engineering students ), Prof Bhattacharyya is very strict ".Thanks and thanks to all.
With that letter, I visited the Warden of Dhanrajgiri Hostel who knowing nothing of the background of the case, logically and sympathetically told me that I would be misfit in this hostel, I should go to another hostel ( Aiyer Hostel) next to Broacha hostel and nearer to my own classmates etc. though just a new hostel, I would be the first person to enter the hostel and immediately, there wont be any catering facilities. On the contrary of the statement of Prof Dasgupta, I found Prof Bhattacharrya to be wonderfully nice person.
I entered the NEW HOSTEL with all new furniture and excellent facilities of Bathroom and canteen etc. A reward in disguise. slowly, more students joined me in the hostel and it was full with the students. My immediate neighbour was Mr. Jain, a student of Ceramics Engineering from Ferozabad; and S. Guha, my classmate and recent room mate in Kailash lodge ( He automatically got his seat in the hostel once I got in ). My stay in this hostel was very comfortable.
Once I settled down in the hostel, I requested that with the current development, I should be pardoned of Rs.50/-fine imposed on me; it was done with due recommendations and with that all the punishments were reversed and I got my unpaid Stipend retrospectively .

When, I see the whole process, actions and decisions in an academic Institution like BHU, it looks funny but any way organizations are run by human beings only . Great experience of meeting varied and critical situations, solving the problems related to them, meeting authorities of BHU, knowing them and with some establishing my personal relationship.

Regrets3

At some point in life when we are little free from our main responsibilities, we go back in time and try to assess or to evaluate our actions of the past and find that we could have done certain things in a different and better way or some times feel guilty that why we did not  do a certain thing or did a certain thing. Not all of us do this kind of assessment or do it judiciously. Though it is too late to do such assessments as you can not reverse the action and there is no use regretting for your actions in the past but, I fell that still useful for the young generations to learn from our mistakes before it is too late for them.Any way, I do and get disappointed and feel guilty that why I did not know that then.. Reasons could be:
(1) when we are children, our perception is limited as our exposure, experience and knowledge even understanding are limited, no concept or do not think as what we should do.We are mostly guided by our parents, mentors and teachers etc; so no regrets as such for our actions;
(2) when student, trying to build the career, hardly any time to evaluate our actions, though we make certain corrections to our decisions and actions at time to time according to the circumstances, still little scope to do much; Our focus is somewhere else and psychological built up is different and hence the orientation is different.
(3) when young, pursuing the career and looking after the family, we have plenty of things where we could have made certain corrections to make our lives better but the situation and circumstances are quite complicated and our orientation is different for the self, family and the society; do not give serious thought about several things and have regrets later in life.
Certainly , these are very personal and individual considerations even later in the life. I have several things to consider. Here is one about my teachers of childhood who laid the foundation of my career and life. my first teacher pre-primary school education , Pandit Shiv Prashad ji from Chandpur was one of them; Munshi Haider Ali of KG class, used to take care of very seriously, used to make our pen to write on Takhti; Munshi Makhan Lal ji of class one teacher, Munshi Ram Chandra Mal and Munshi Fateh Ulddin of Class three were very good teachers, teaching us as to their own children, very dedicated. We forgot them completely for long time, rather than doing any thing for them by giving them some gifts; they were financially poor people, could have supported them financially a little bit or could have done some thing for their children. We ( many of our classmates and seniors and juniors ) completely missed that opportunity to serve them in any way. I feel sorry about it and wish to point out to the young ones to think early about it before it is too late. Though I understand that now a days education is getting more formalized and personal teacher-student relationship, care and interest are gradually diminishing..
To compensate this and to satisfy myself, I am seriously considering to initiate some scholarships in their name and to honour  them from my small savings.

My Education

My parents did not plan or looked after my education; also for my brothers and sisters; never knew as what we were doing in the school; never knew about our home work or helping us in any way; They did not do about our education right from the primary school till we finished our education. Surprisingly, it was not only my parents but the parents of other students in the school were also not involved in the learning process of their kids. Perhaps, teachers were taking enough care about it.

I had my primary education in the village primary school run by District Administration with bare minimum facilities but with very good school teachers and good curriculum to teach various creative and learning skills.
Middle School in the town was also run by District Administration. Did my middle school education also in Jhalu ; school had even lesser facilities than primary school but good dedicated teachers. I did my primary and middle school education in URDU language medium ( Urdu was most popular language in our region ; our teachers were also mostly muslims ); English learning started in middle school and I learnt just elementary English ( though my grand father gave me at home English tuition with Shri Bharat Singh ji- a very strict teacher); In the school, I had my very good English teacher from Haldaur- Shri Chandra Pal Singh );
In 1950, I moved to Chandpur to live with my nani and to join Hindu Inter College as there was no further education facilities in my own town .HIC was one of the best known Secondary School in our region with good facilities and teachers. I finished my High School and Intermediate education there with science background- Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics. ( with a short break of a few months at DAV College, DehraDun ). As there was no Urdu medium in the college and Hindi was compulsory language, I have to do rest of my education here only in Hindi medium; With Elementary Hindi in High School and Hindi in Intermediate Examinations.

My Teachers in Hindu Inter College, Chandpur

After my Middle school ( Junior High School was called then as Middle School used to be up to 7th Class ; and there used to be Board Examination to pass) , I joined Hindu Inter College, Chandpur as there was no facility in my own home town. I cleared my High school Certificate Examination in 1953 and Intermediate Examination in 1955 (Now known as Higher Secondary School Examination).The teachers in the college were good and education was of very good quality. Out of several and all the good teachers, some of them left really everlasting impression because of their own special qualities.
My Principal of the College was Shri Chandra Shekhar Sinha ( C.S.Sinha), very well qualified, MA (London), DIC (London) ; a great personality;  a serious person to his responsibilities ; dedicated for his work and spent all his life savings for the development of the programmes of the college;
My Physical Training Teacher (PT Teacher), Shri Ram Swarup Sharma ; a great personality with roaring voice and serious business, known to each student of the college;
My English Teacher, Shri Ram Gopal Gupta; great teacher, very emotional; whatever, he will teach, grammar and spellings were always there; very religious and simple person; I remember two incidents of him:
 1. On the final day of our High school class before preparation leave, he gave his wonderful sermon valid in any situation any time;" By now you have put your bucket and whole rope in to the well to fetch water; Hold the last portion of the rope tightly , don not let it loose, otherwise, you will loose your bucket and the rope and will never get the water ; will ever remain thirsty - the final result; , your preparation leave is the last portion of the rope, use it very carefully, you will get your desired result. HOLD the last portion of your whole efforts very well.
2, When a student in BHU, during 1956, he asked me to see the Head Examiner of English for High School Examination Board who was also the local MLA and request him to appoint him as one of the examiner for High school Examination English papers; He wanted a little extra money to support his family ( as the School salary was not enough in those days). I was hesitant to see the Head Examiner and wrote him back as I am scared to see him as I do not know him or being a VIP-MLA ,he may refuse to see me . He wrote me back and wrote : "just request him, worst cum worst, he may refuse but certainly will not detain you and will allow you to come back."  I took a note of it and went to see him and with great persuasion and effort, I found the way to see him. As expected , he scolded me as how did I dare to approach him for this kind of thing. strategically and innocently , I told him that the person is my most respected teacher and narrated as what he wrote me.... Looking at me, hearing my humble story, he laughed and told  " Done, tell your teacher that he is appointed ". I felt so happy about it . And took a note of his advice which I used through out my life and it worked all the time very successfully : Persuasion, persuasion, no harm in trying  even if you are not successful in the end; But I always found it as a mantra of success; I remember him for both the incidents . After retirement, he took renunciation and lived in Shivanad Ashram in Rishikesh. Great person to remember.
My Mathematics Teacher, Shri S.S.Agrawal ( popularly known as BABA) was wonderful teacher. very serious. down to earth kind of person. He is the one who laid the strong foundation of Mathematics ; Student used to respect him very much and used to be scared of for the discipline in the college.
My Art Teacher , Shri Sunder Lal Gupta was handsome personality; used to be our sports teacher also; very jovial and smart. Shri Rathore Maya Ram Gautam, D.K.Sanadhya, Mangla Prasad Chaturvedi, Gaur ji,.......

My visit to Assam

I was working with Institute of Petroleum Exploration (=IPE) , ONGC at DehraDun after September 1969 when I joined the Training and Documentation Division of IPE as Scientific Officer (Documentation); Being out of exploration activities, there was no chance to visit Assam.Fortunately, I got a new friend in Janak Raj Sharma who was working with very important Department of Human Resources Study Group ( Headed by Mr. Dhir) with other members- K.G.Gupta, Mr. Chawla and Shukla etc. JR was with me doing computer training organised by ISI in Delhi in 1970 . JR was very resourceful person in Tel Bhavan. I casually mentioned to him some times that I wish to visit Assam as it would not be possible now for me to visit that place as I have no relevant assignment to go  there. During my exploration job, I was fortunate to work for different kind of exploration methods like Gravity & Magnetic (=GM), Electrical , Seismic etc, and visit very different kinds of places in North, West and South etc but missed eastern part of India.
It was in 1971, that JR managed to get an assignment for me from his Department.They used to conduct a competitive Examination for Probationary Officers for ONGC at different centres in India. He got me the assignment to conduct and coordinate the examination at Nazira Centre in Assam. Great opportunity for me. Went through Calcutta  to Jorhat by air for the first time. It was great experience to travel by air for the first time. It was very small plane flying at very low altitudes with all kinds of turbulence. Also an opportunity to revisit Calcutta after a long time.
I got Nazira by road. Mr. AP Ghosh was the Manager at Nazira and he provided me all the best facilities to get me from Jorhat, guest house and rest of the things. The great opportunity was to go around with a restriction to Nagaland. Lot of rains, shorter day than DehraDun was not unexpected experience but to witness the green tea gardens and the beautiful topography of valleys and hills with dense forests with betel nut  (supari ) trees and meeting the people of entirely different culture, girls with beautiful dresses of silk and bright colours..It was an exciting and unforgettable experience. It gave me an impression as I was not in India but in some other country ( so different from the rest of the country). Almost each house is made of bamboos with a fish pond and a small rice field, so self sufficient to live with their own resources. For the first time, I tasted the green fermented supari- so intoxicating..
Thanks to my friend JR Sharma to arrange this visit and Shri AP Ghosh to make my visit to Assam so meaningful by providing all the appropriate facilities.

Folktales from Africa and other foreign countries

Sushma Gupta has translated and compiled more than seven hundred stories from Africa and various other countries  in HINDI .These stories would be published soon. But right now several books filled with these stories are already published on SCRIBD and are available to read for free and download for free to read or print off-line. Read them on:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/241159298/Odd-Marriages-Folktales-from-Africa

and

https://www.scribd.com/doc/241535569/Stories-of-Justice

more information;

www.sushmajee.com