Born to suffer only; miseries, miseries and miseries only.

A strange but a true story of a person who was born to suffer through out her life. The story is of one of my grandmother who lived very near to us in the main big family house.
Shri Jagan Nath was the second youngest brother among the five brothers of my grandfather . He died very young even before I was born and after his death, his family  met a very tragic end. I was told that he was not smart and very active person with no means of earning.  He was not very capable or able person to do any thing meaningful. He was perhaps the poorest of all his brothers in all respects. Family gave him responsibility of attending social obligations on behalf of the family ( like attending wedding ceremonies, other functions in the community and funerals etc ).
My grandmother was born in another nearby town, Tajpur- a famous Riyast in our region. They were two sisters but with entirely different fate/destiny to live their lives.

Se was married to my grandfather while the other sister was married in a very rich and prosperous family in Bijnor.. Shri Ajit Prasad was the top most lawyer of those days in Bijnor . There is no comparison in the lives of the two sisters. One enjoyed the best of the world while the other suffered through out her life with all kinds of miseries
They had two sons, Krishan Kumar and Om Prakash ( commonly known as OMI ); all their uncles, especially my one of the grandfather, Shri  Bihari Laj ji  ( who retired as Executive Engineer, and nicely settled down in Delhi ) tried to improve them and to educate them but of no avail.  They had very poor IQ and EQ. They did not do any thing in their lives except loafing around and living on the little income they had from their property and support from the family members ( our family  was very strongly bound collective and united family, impossible now to imagine that kind of cooperation and feelings for each other in the family); They lived really in poverty and very miserable conditions; They had very little intelligence, common sense or understanding. All of them in that  family came together having  very poor destiny . My grandmother  had, perhaps the worst kind of fate , never saw any thing good in her life, very pathetic. I never saw her wearing some nice dress, eating good food etc. She struggled through out her life with poverty, starvation and all kinds of miseries.
After having two sons , she became widow at a very young age. She has to bear the responsibility of bring up her two sons alone. They tortured  her through out her life at every stage as they were born with a specific purpose to trouble her and make her life difficult and miserable. She lived in other house of the family though used to come our house on daily basis for some thing or the other. She was comfortable only with our family only.She was never free from problems/troubles. She was very nice person by her nature , very loving and affectionate and soft spoken person.  Though surrounded with all kinds of problems, I never saw her angry or disappointed. I had special consideration for her and great sympathy for her. I always had a desire in my heart if I could help her in any way. I always visited her and asking for her welfare. Her sons used to beat her to extract even the smallest thing she had and used to ask her to come us and ask for the money etc.My own family helped her in all possible way, all the time.
 I never saw her praying or worshiping, going to temple etc.as , perhaps lost her faith in God. I never saw her visiting any other person or family except our family. Almost socially isolated.
Years passed, her sons though now grown up and adults , but never came to age even to help themselves. Always bothering their mother for their needs.

Her younger sister in Bijnor who was very rich and prosperous visited  her very often and wanted to help her every possible way. But according to the social system an elder sister will never take any help from her younger sister, hence my grandmother never took any help from her. She tried to help her sons in all possible ways but of no use and it was kind of never ending.

The last part of her life is really pathetic and worth mentioning here. Baba Har Prasad ji, once came from Muzaffarnagar and scolded Dadi ji that she is the only one who has given her sons undue shelter and support and spoilt them. Let her come with him to live in Muzaffarnagar  leaving them alone behind on their fate. This way they will learn their lesson and will do something to live with out depending on her. Fed up with her situation and every day trouble from her sons, she decided to go with him to Muzaffarnagar for some time After she left they started doing some thing here and there as no options left for them., Krishna Kumar  was working in a watermelon farm as watchman , was caught by LOO ( very hot and dry air during the month of May, causing dehydration and many other ailments to the population ) and ultimately by severe Cholera suffered a terminating situation and died in a very short time , all of a sudden. Due to poor transportation and medical facilities in the town, he could not be given adequate and proper treatment. Perhaps, he could have been saved if timely help was available for him to take him to District Hospital, Bijnor. Unfortunate and helpless situation . ( Perhaps, he was not alone, in those days, how many would have died in the town with out proper or adequate medical facilities ). Dadi ji was called back immediately after his death from Muzaffarnagar , for what, just to mourn her elder son. She was terribly shocked and saddened and was broken down from this event. She was very much unhappy, angry, frustrated and disappointed with every one in the family. She had no option except to accept the fact of the life. Became very quiet and silent , after, she lost her elder son.
My grandfather, assessing the situation  thought perhaps the marriage of the younger one may bring some relief to her and a difference in her life.He  arranged the marriage of Om Prakash, the younger one with a  girl from a village in Garhwal . Our family arranged this marriage ( rather bought that girl for Rupees 5000/-, which was very common practice in those days for the rich people ) . Anandi Chachi was one of the most beautiful girl in our family. She was quite young and certainly no match with Om Prakash uncle who later never cared for her, rather never treated her as his wife, had no love, attraction or association with her. It was his incapability to give any importance to any relationship , not only to his wife. However, it gave some consolation to dadi ji in her grieved situation. She got busy in looking after her with some hope for the future. The burden of expenses, directly and indirectly came to my grandfather.
Time passed and Dadi was blessed with a grandson, very handsome boy . She forgot all the previous sufferings and got busy looking after  the child. She was very happy, satisfied and contended with this changed situation. I used to go very often to meet Dadi ji as I had great sympathy with her and she was also very affectionate to me. She was very glad whenever I visited her. Once, she asked me that I must take care of this boy and develop him. I promised her to do so and she had a trust in me. I also decided that I will do my best to bring up the boy . After a few years, when the boy was about five years old, he got very severe attack of smallpox and died with its complications ( again a case of poor medical care and facilities at home and in the town ). Dadi was shattered and I think completely exhausted with the calamities and miseries of life; tolerated the loss of her husband at her young age; tolerated the death of her adult and fully grown son and now the last hope of the beloved grandson is also gone. After the death of her son, frustrated and ill treated by her husband, Chachi ji went back her home in the hills not o come back again.. Dadi ji was left alone to bear all the sorrows and loneliness. She died soon after that. No one cared for her son , Omi after her death.  He wandered here and there and survived perhaps a few years with bare minimum resources and died in mysterious circumstances. Government did all the last rites. During his last years of life for his survival, he sold out whatever property was left after the death of his mother ( a small house, some shops etc.) .
This is the end of the family  the property and every thing . I do not understand as why GOD punished Dadi ji and that family so much that they never saw any thing good in their life except the troubles, miseries and sorrows all the time. VERY TRAGIC END. I do not understand the purpose of their coming to this world and their existence.

CANADA, immigration and citizenship etc

It was after our auto accident in 1998 (16th December), Sushma lost her job with AIAG and hence lost our H1B status to work or live in USA. Later we got H1B status through USTI ( Recruiting and Consulting Company of Sanjay Prasad and Rama Kant Singh and Niraj Kumar) but we then decided to immigrate to Canada ( we should have done it much earlier if we would have known the benefits ). Sushma applied for Employment visa as a librarian as she had adequate experience and appropriate qualifications. We had certain advantage of some points to add by getting a letter of employment from Anand Kishore , then a would be relation through our daughter's marriage to his younger brother, Raj Kishore. We got our immigration cleared very fast in a year or less by the end of 1999 except a little problem of health condition of Sushma due to that auto accident but Great person, Dr Shea ( who performed the prosthesis of shoulder surgery ) certified her fitness. Thus a letter of employment from Anand Kishore and a Certificate of fitness from Dr Shae were very useful for this immigration. We must express our gratitude to them. Finally we took our immigration through USA/Canada (Windsor/Detroit) Border in Windsor on March 11, 2000. The process was simple but for our bad luck the concerned officer- the angry girl made it difficult for us by writing a remark on our IM1000 - the immigration document which troubled later at various other processes in Canada.To start with, we had problem at US border and were sent back to Windsor refusing our entry to USA and cancelling our H1B visa.We had to come back and stay in a hotel for that night. Thank God that Sameer and Sapna were around to help us in this uncertain terrible situation. Next day, we moved to Toronto to stay with Suneeta and Akhilesh ji.Who helped us opening our bank account, getting Driving License and applying for SIN ( Social Insurance Number) etc. We finished all the initial and essential formalities.
With time, we managed to get back to USA to wind up from South Field and to live in Windsor in May 2000. Sameer arranged a wonderful apartment; 711-8787 Riverside Drive. We lived at this very comfortable and scenic view location for about two and half years. 2455 Rivard Avenue: Apartment # 523:( October 2002-sept.2009 ): In October , 2002, we moved to this subsidized accommodation for seniors by Essex Windsor County Housing Corporation. We lived on Riverside Drive for $1000/- + apartment because of ignorance and lack of information about it and many other things about the facilities and privileges in Canada. This was for only $234.00 per month , could have been even cheaper if known before.There are several such facilities for seniors in Windsor. But it has sufficient parking space which is not available in other locations.It was a comfortable place and convenient location to live.We had nice company of some Indian families living at this location. 3015 Temple Drive, apartment # 212: ( October 2009.....) It is again with the incidental interaction with Dr. Jwanda who lived in a two bed rooms apartment in a neighbourhood similar kind of facilities.He told me that  there are about three or four such facilities with two bed rooms for the seniors with the same rent but with a certificate of medical conditions. With a medical certificate from Dr. Joshi, our family physician, we applied for this facility and we got it very soon. this is known as accessible facility with two bed rooms and specially designed facilities for handicapped persons.It is a small facility with 64 apartments, most of them single bed room and perhaps only two accessible.Very neat, clean and well maintained building by the Church which constructed and maintains it. It certainly needs personal transport facility as shopping facilities are at least two miles away from here . We like this place for nice and quiet living.We could have got this spacious apartment much earlier but for information. One of the reason could be our very limited social network in Canada. We do not have colleagues or friends here as we are very late comers and due to our limitation for age also.
We have been living here as permanent residents and later as Canadian Citizen since we moved here. We always had our proper permanent residence with Telephone, TV and internet cable facilities, bank accounts, maintaining an Ontario registered car and a valid driving license , working as the secretary of SASCO a non-profit organization, volunteering for annual tax preparation for CRA , visiting our Clinic regularly as I am a patient for High Blood pressure for long time and my wife for Arthritis etc, But we had always problem with Canadian authorities at every stage of getting citizenship, OHIP card, Old Age Security pension and lastly even with my driving license. I wonder why We ? At every stage, we have to explain our situation: Ontario Disability Support Program:ODSP: We never knew about social assistance program in Canada , its entitlement and eligibility etc. For the first time, Mrs Aggarwal ( wife of Prof. A.K.Aggarwal, University of Windsor) mentioned about it and asked us to apply for the same.It is again  an example of social networking and social capital benefits. We had very good social contact with Prof Aggarwal during our early years in Windsor. In fact, they were also quite new in Windsor. Well, we got it which continued till we started getting our OASP. This was very good help to us for our survival in Canada.  
OHIP: Ontario Health Insurance Program: Wonderful program to look after the health of Ontario residents. At one point of time, our OHIP cards were cancelled with the allegations that we do not live here. We have to visit the office of the Ministry of health to explain our situation of residency here. With all the documentation required, we had to go through a lengthy interview to convince the authorities to get our OHIP cards back to us. But could not understand as why they bothered us and wasted our and their own time?
Citizenship: Normally, most people get their citizenship just after completing three years of residency but we got it almost after six years with lot of queries and lengthy questionnaire. All about doubting that we were not residents of Canada; Even an hearing with an immigration judge, Mr walker who grilled us thoroughly doubting about our residency but with all the evidence and documentation, we convinced about our residency in Canada. Mr. Walker was nice person , understood our situation and cleared our case. In fact, we have to request our MP, Mr.JOE CoMartin. who intervened and asked the immigration department to look into our case. But, here again I have to say as why we should have gone through this tedious process and unnecessary grilling ?.  
Old Age Security Pension: In most of the cases, approval of OASP is the straight forward case but in our case, this also took lot of time and explaining many unnecessary things. Doubting our status and period of our residency etc.It took long time through tedious process and explaining several things.Perhaps,the note on our IM1000 documentation by the immigration officer, created the doublt at every stage.The pension  amount is very good for our survival in Canada.  
Driving License: Lastly in 2012, I had the problem about my driving license; Unfortunately, I had an auto accident in Windsor in August 2011 which caused me to take driving test again as it happens for the seniors after the age of 70 years. It was a terrible experience to take my test, driving lessons etc after I failed my tests and my driving license was cancelled. I have written a separate blog about it.
 Though we  had some rough time over here ; we never got any kind of employment; not even some satisfying volunteering work over here; Canada is a wonderful country to live especially for the retired people where seniors get lot of benefits. Good medical and housing facilities and very friendly environment.

MARRIAGE

Marriage : An entry into the dignified family life.VIVAH Sanskar  has the greatest significance among the sixteen sanskaras of Vedic origin. The main purpose of marriage is to pay Pitri Rin from among the three Rin we are born with. They are Dev Rin which is paid by doing Yagya, Brahm Rin which is paid by studying Ved, and Pitri Rin which is paid by producing children to extend our family. Raising a family also opens up our KARMA Kshetra by taking responsibility of the family and perform our duties. Each member of the family has his own duties and actions to perform and they cannot be performed unless he is in a familial relationship. GOD has created this institution to keep His creation to continue for ever and for the success of this institution, HE has created very strong forces which drive even the strangers of opposite sex to accept this relationship leaving their own families, come very close to each other and raise  a family of their own.  This relationship is durable and strong to have  a family and children. Interpersonal relationships are intimate and mutually accepted.

People are supposed to follow the code of conduct towards the family and the society of which they are the members. This code of conduct was designed by our ancestors keeping in view the aspects of religion and spirituality and four Ashrams, especially of Grahasth Ashram (normally during the age 25-50 years).

 Most people marry except a few to keep the creation going on. Marriages are performed with certain rituals according to the faith (Hindu, Muslim, Christian etc) of individuals. Through this Sanskar, we accept the principles of religion and authority of GOD.

Bhisham Pitahmaha of Mahabharat

Look at the life of this great personality of Mahabharat. Upto the age of 16years he remained away from his father and family  under the care of his mother only ; did his usual education etc. Joined his father and family and after a short while, he has to sacrifise his crown, youth and rest of the life for his father and family and took a vow to take care of the crown, and Hastinapur.Just after a few years , his father died and he has to take care of the crown, step mother and step brothers and later their children and family etc.Looked after them, family and the crown etc. He has to struggle through out his life to take care of all of them even at the cost of his principles and moral.
In our present society , do we see such things even for our own parents, brothers leave aside the step mother and brothers and family .