Posts
The Art of Giving
"Rivers do not drink their own water, nor do tree eat their own fruit, nor do
rain clouds eat the grains reared by them. The wealth of the noble is used
solely for the benefit of others?
Even after accepting that giving is good and that one must learn to give,
several questions need to be answered:.
The first question is when should one give?
We all know the famous incident from the Mahabharata.
Yudhisthir, asks a beggar seeking alms to come the next day. On this, Bhim
rejoices, that Yudhisthir his brother, has conquered death! For he is sure that
he will be around tomorrow to give. Yudhisthir gets the message.
One does not know really whether one will be there tomorrow to give! The time to
give therefore is now.
The next question is how much to give?
One recalls the famous incident from history. Rana Pratap was reeling after
defeat from the Moghals. He had lost his army, he had lost his wealth, and most
important he had lost hope, his will to fight. At that time in his darkest hour,
his erstwhile minister Bhamasha came seeking him and placed his entire fortune
at the disposal of Rana Pratap. With this, Rana Pratap raised an army and lived
to fight another day.
The answer to this question how much to give is "Give as much as you can!
The next question is what to give?.
It is not only money that can be given. It could be a flower or even a smile.
It is not how much one gives but how one gives that really matters. When you
give a smile to a stranger that may be the only good thing received by him in
days and weeks! "You can give anything but you must give with your heart!
One also needs answer to this question whom to give?.
Many times we avoid giving by finding fault with the person who is seeking.
However, being judgmental and rejecting a person on the presumption that he may
not be the most deserving is not justified. Give without being judgmental!
Next we have to answer How to give?
Coming to the manner of giving, one has to ensure that the receiver does not
feel humiliated, nor does the giver feel proud by giving.
In giving follow the advice, Let not your left hand know what your right hand
gives? Charity without publicity and fanfare is the highest form of charity.
'Give quietly!
While giving let not the recipient feel small or humiliated. After all what we
give never really belonged to us. We come to this world with nothing and will go
with nothing. The thing gifted was only with us for a temporary period. Why then
take pride in giving away something which really did not belong to us? Give with
grace and with a feeling of gratitude.
When you help someone in need, give it before he asks for it; for if you place
him under the necessity of stretching out his hand, you take away from him his
self-respect which is worth more than the value of your alms.
What should one feel after giving?
We all know the story of Eklavya. When Dronacharya asked him for his right thumb
as "Guru Dakshina", he unhesitatingly cut off the thumb and gave it to
Dronacharya.
There is a little known sequel to this story. Eklavya was asked whether he ever
regretted the act of giving away his thumb. He replied, and the reply has to be
believed to be true, as it was asked to him when he was dying.
His reply was "Yes! I regretted this only once in my life. It was when Pandavas
were coming in to kill Dronacharya who was broken hearted on the false news of
death of his son Ashwathama and had stopped fighting. It was then that I
regretted the loss of my thumb. If the thumb was there, no one could have dared
hurt my Guru.
The message to us is clear. Give and never regret giving!
And the last question is How much should we provide for our heirs?
Ask yourself 'are we taking away from them the gift of work'? - A source of
happiness! The answer is given by Warren Buffett: "Leave your kids enough to do
anything, but not enough to do nothing!
Saint Kabir:
"When the wealth in the house increases, when water fills a boat, Throw them
with both hands "
Mary Angelou
"Success is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it"
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Hill,s Principles
Think and Grow rich by ( Lionel Sosa) Napoleon Hill Foundation
Hill's mantra was: " Whatever your mind can conceive and believe , you can achieve. "
(Conceive ??? it depends as what one can perceive; perception is a matter of conditioning- by its environment, education and training etc. and also according to individual's capacity )
Indians dream in at least two languages; English and mother tongue (Hindi, Tamil....)
The cultural baggage derived from our roots subtly influences our success and failures. Our roots make us who we are. They determine our core values. These values dictate our beliefs, and our beliefs drive our behaviour.
Questions:
Are you carrying negative cultural baggage on your journey to riches.?
Are you carrying some you are not aware of?
Hill's principles:
1. DEFINITENESS OF PURPOSE: A definiteness of purpose is more than a strong wish. It is a clear, definite goal fueled by great passion. It makes you believe. When you believe, you forget your doubts and fears. Pessimistic thoughts vanish and optimistic thoughts become habit.
Listen to your guts and be alert to opportunity. only being " good " is not good enough.
Get good advice , Find good Mentors; mentoring gives you a firsthand look into the field that excites you; it helps you see the good , the bad, and the ugly up close.;it helps you to seperate the dream from the reality; it gives you a chance to evaluate your choice.
Most people ( 95% or so) settle for less than they are able of accomplishing .they leave their future to destiny . they make excuses , procrastinate, do not muster the courage.
2. MASTERMIND ALLIANCE: the mastermind alliance is built of two or more minds working together in perfect harmony in pursuit of a common goal. This concepts allows you to use the talents, experience, knowledge, and education of people you work with to help you reach your goal .The combined energy turns beliefs into reality.
Meet often, either formally or informally, to review how things are going.Daily is not too ofte. Communicate freely and openly.Build trust through trusting others.
3. ATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY: 25 qualities;
1. positive mental attitude,( attitude of optimism)
2.flexibility
3.sincerity of purpose ( sincerity comes from within, no prescription, no recipe)
4.promptness of decision (what is infinitely more important than the how )
5.courtsey ( good manners can be taught , Courtesy comes naturally , from the heart)
6.tact (tact is closely associated with courtesy, one can not practice one without the other ) some of the things that show lack of tact:
a. assuming that one's opinion is more important than the others;
b. believing that one has the answers to practically everything;
c. speaking out of turn;
d. asking familiar questions in an attempt to appear closer to a person....
e. complaining when requests or favours refused;
f. correcting people in presence of others;
g. declining requests from others in arrogant manner;
h. openly questioning the soundness of others' opinion;
i. giving unsolicited advice, especially about family matters;
j. assuming one has the best idea most of the time;
( apologize if you have offended someone with your behavior; acknowledging an unintentional lapse is a sign of growth and maturity.)
7.tone of voice
8.the habit of smiling
9.facial expression
10.tolerance " open your eyes and see " ; " open your mind and learn "
Tolerance is accepting others' differences. Intolerance is a misplaced sense of importance.
11.frankness of manner and speech ( withholding information amounts lieing as it is basic dishonesty and undermines the soundest character. )
12.a keen sense of humor ( Humor promotes a positive environment ; it makes life and work more fun and happy )
13.faith in infinite intelligence ( Faith in infinite intelligence unleashes the power within you. Faith is the inspiration that fuels your journey and enables you to accomplish your goal. USE IT );
14.a keen sense of justice
15.appropriate use of words
16.effective speech/communication
17.emotional control ( Seven Negative emotions : fear , hatered , anger, greed,jealousy,revenge, and superstition; seven Positive emotions are: love, sex, hope, faith, sympathy, optimism, and loyalty ) ( People with less EQ or who do not control their emotions are selfish. They consider that what they think, want to do, or say, is more important than what others think, do or say ) Relationships are built on emotion as much as anything else.
18.alertness of interest
19.versatility
20.fondness of people
21.humality
22.effective showmanship
23.clean sportsmanship
24.a good handshake (welcoming attitude)
25. personal magnetism/charm
APPLIED FAITH:
Faith is a state of mind, not necessarily your religious beliefs. For lasting success, faith should be active not passive. Faith is based on three critical truths; belief in yourself; belief in your goal ; belief in infinite intelligence. Having faith means relaxing your own reason and willpower and opening your mind to the power of infinite intelligence. Faith gives you the courage to keep focused and to keep going even when the going gets tough.
Fears: seven fears;
1. Poverty; fear of poverty is real and as destructive as the unconcious acceptance of poverty. it creats the negatives; a. avoidance of ambition ( "whatever God wants " ) ; b. failure to make your own decisions ( " however God wants" ) ; c. making excuses for your failures ( " It was not meant to be" as God wanted ); d. a negative mental attitude ( " whatever will be, will be " destiny... );
2. Criticism: self-perception is painfully self-defeating.
3.Health:
4. The Loss of Love:
5. The Old Age:
6. Loss of Liberty:
7. Death:
THE EXTRA MILE:
Going the extra mile or doing more than people expect you to do is an amazing idea. When applied with the right attitude, it will produce explosive results almost immediately . PPMM : P=Positive; P= Purpose ; M= mastermind ; M = Mile
" Rendering more and better service than what you are paid to do and doing it consistently with a positive mental attitude. " " GIVE and you will RECEIVE "
1. Do more than you are expected to do.
2. Do it every day ( all the time )
3. Do it happily ( willingly )
You will get back all you give , many times over.
PERSONAL INITIATIVE:
Personal initiative is contagious;
Personal initiative creates advancement; lack of personal initiative and laziness are closely related. People, lacking it, are happy as they are. Personal initiative is present in all of us. It is nothing more than the exercising of the free will we were gifted with at birth. we can use it in any place and at any time we like. DECIDE TO USE IT.
Personal initiative creates the future; There are no traffic jams on the highway of the extra mile.
POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE:
CONTROLLED ENTHUSIASM:
SELF DISCIPLINE:
Indisciplined people act first and think afterwards. Self discipline instills in you the habit of thinking before acting. Mind is divided into six compartments. each of these is totally controlled by you and you alone. if you understand these compartments, you will understand self-discipline. Six compartments are:
1.Ego: Your ego is nothing more than your idea of your worth. Source of willpower which is so strong that it can change, reverse, or eliminate the work of any other department. Ego drives the decisions you make. If it is in perfect balance, its effects are positive, if weak, it has negative effects.
2. Emotions:
3. Reason; you must have a reason. Reason handles the more routine functions of judgement.
4. Conscience: Listen to your conscience. do not turn your ears deaf to it.
5. Memory: memory of good events/bad events; with good memories, your imagination will turn them into riches;
CONTROLLED ATTENTION: no ifs, no maybes, know exactly what you want.
INSPIRING TEAMWORK: commitment
ACCURATE THINKING: Mind is like a piece of land. It can become a beatiful garden full of flowers and fruits or it can lie fallow and be overrun with weeds. As the gardener of your mind, choose to invest the time and other resources needed to tend your garden , feed it, water it and keep the bad bugs away.
LEARNING FROM ADVERSITY: Defeat is not failure unless and until you accept it as such
Hill's mantra was: " Whatever your mind can conceive and believe , you can achieve. "
(Conceive ??? it depends as what one can perceive; perception is a matter of conditioning- by its environment, education and training etc. and also according to individual's capacity )
Indians dream in at least two languages; English and mother tongue (Hindi, Tamil....)
The cultural baggage derived from our roots subtly influences our success and failures. Our roots make us who we are. They determine our core values. These values dictate our beliefs, and our beliefs drive our behaviour.
Questions:
Are you carrying negative cultural baggage on your journey to riches.?
Are you carrying some you are not aware of?
Hill's principles:
1. DEFINITENESS OF PURPOSE: A definiteness of purpose is more than a strong wish. It is a clear, definite goal fueled by great passion. It makes you believe. When you believe, you forget your doubts and fears. Pessimistic thoughts vanish and optimistic thoughts become habit.
Listen to your guts and be alert to opportunity. only being " good " is not good enough.
Get good advice , Find good Mentors; mentoring gives you a firsthand look into the field that excites you; it helps you see the good , the bad, and the ugly up close.;it helps you to seperate the dream from the reality; it gives you a chance to evaluate your choice.
Most people ( 95% or so) settle for less than they are able of accomplishing .they leave their future to destiny . they make excuses , procrastinate, do not muster the courage.
2. MASTERMIND ALLIANCE: the mastermind alliance is built of two or more minds working together in perfect harmony in pursuit of a common goal. This concepts allows you to use the talents, experience, knowledge, and education of people you work with to help you reach your goal .The combined energy turns beliefs into reality.
Meet often, either formally or informally, to review how things are going.Daily is not too ofte. Communicate freely and openly.Build trust through trusting others.
3. ATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY: 25 qualities;
1. positive mental attitude,( attitude of optimism)
2.flexibility
3.sincerity of purpose ( sincerity comes from within, no prescription, no recipe)
4.promptness of decision (what is infinitely more important than the how )
5.courtsey ( good manners can be taught , Courtesy comes naturally , from the heart)
6.tact (tact is closely associated with courtesy, one can not practice one without the other ) some of the things that show lack of tact:
a. assuming that one's opinion is more important than the others;
b. believing that one has the answers to practically everything;
c. speaking out of turn;
d. asking familiar questions in an attempt to appear closer to a person....
e. complaining when requests or favours refused;
f. correcting people in presence of others;
g. declining requests from others in arrogant manner;
h. openly questioning the soundness of others' opinion;
i. giving unsolicited advice, especially about family matters;
j. assuming one has the best idea most of the time;
( apologize if you have offended someone with your behavior; acknowledging an unintentional lapse is a sign of growth and maturity.)
7.tone of voice
8.the habit of smiling
9.facial expression
10.tolerance " open your eyes and see " ; " open your mind and learn "
Tolerance is accepting others' differences. Intolerance is a misplaced sense of importance.
11.frankness of manner and speech ( withholding information amounts lieing as it is basic dishonesty and undermines the soundest character. )
12.a keen sense of humor ( Humor promotes a positive environment ; it makes life and work more fun and happy )
13.faith in infinite intelligence ( Faith in infinite intelligence unleashes the power within you. Faith is the inspiration that fuels your journey and enables you to accomplish your goal. USE IT );
14.a keen sense of justice
15.appropriate use of words
16.effective speech/communication
17.emotional control ( Seven Negative emotions : fear , hatered , anger, greed,jealousy,revenge, and superstition; seven Positive emotions are: love, sex, hope, faith, sympathy, optimism, and loyalty ) ( People with less EQ or who do not control their emotions are selfish. They consider that what they think, want to do, or say, is more important than what others think, do or say ) Relationships are built on emotion as much as anything else.
18.alertness of interest
19.versatility
20.fondness of people
21.humality
22.effective showmanship
23.clean sportsmanship
24.a good handshake (welcoming attitude)
25. personal magnetism/charm
APPLIED FAITH:
Faith is a state of mind, not necessarily your religious beliefs. For lasting success, faith should be active not passive. Faith is based on three critical truths; belief in yourself; belief in your goal ; belief in infinite intelligence. Having faith means relaxing your own reason and willpower and opening your mind to the power of infinite intelligence. Faith gives you the courage to keep focused and to keep going even when the going gets tough.
Fears: seven fears;
1. Poverty; fear of poverty is real and as destructive as the unconcious acceptance of poverty. it creats the negatives; a. avoidance of ambition ( "whatever God wants " ) ; b. failure to make your own decisions ( " however God wants" ) ; c. making excuses for your failures ( " It was not meant to be" as God wanted ); d. a negative mental attitude ( " whatever will be, will be " destiny... );
2. Criticism: self-perception is painfully self-defeating.
3.Health:
4. The Loss of Love:
5. The Old Age:
6. Loss of Liberty:
7. Death:
THE EXTRA MILE:
Going the extra mile or doing more than people expect you to do is an amazing idea. When applied with the right attitude, it will produce explosive results almost immediately . PPMM : P=Positive; P= Purpose ; M= mastermind ; M = Mile
" Rendering more and better service than what you are paid to do and doing it consistently with a positive mental attitude. " " GIVE and you will RECEIVE "
1. Do more than you are expected to do.
2. Do it every day ( all the time )
3. Do it happily ( willingly )
You will get back all you give , many times over.
PERSONAL INITIATIVE:
Personal initiative is contagious;
Personal initiative creates advancement; lack of personal initiative and laziness are closely related. People, lacking it, are happy as they are. Personal initiative is present in all of us. It is nothing more than the exercising of the free will we were gifted with at birth. we can use it in any place and at any time we like. DECIDE TO USE IT.
Personal initiative creates the future; There are no traffic jams on the highway of the extra mile.
POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE:
CONTROLLED ENTHUSIASM:
SELF DISCIPLINE:
Indisciplined people act first and think afterwards. Self discipline instills in you the habit of thinking before acting. Mind is divided into six compartments. each of these is totally controlled by you and you alone. if you understand these compartments, you will understand self-discipline. Six compartments are:
1.Ego: Your ego is nothing more than your idea of your worth. Source of willpower which is so strong that it can change, reverse, or eliminate the work of any other department. Ego drives the decisions you make. If it is in perfect balance, its effects are positive, if weak, it has negative effects.
2. Emotions:
3. Reason; you must have a reason. Reason handles the more routine functions of judgement.
4. Conscience: Listen to your conscience. do not turn your ears deaf to it.
5. Memory: memory of good events/bad events; with good memories, your imagination will turn them into riches;
CONTROLLED ATTENTION: no ifs, no maybes, know exactly what you want.
INSPIRING TEAMWORK: commitment
ACCURATE THINKING: Mind is like a piece of land. It can become a beatiful garden full of flowers and fruits or it can lie fallow and be overrun with weeds. As the gardener of your mind, choose to invest the time and other resources needed to tend your garden , feed it, water it and keep the bad bugs away.
LEARNING FROM ADVERSITY: Defeat is not failure unless and until you accept it as such
My Freind: Dr. Braham Swarup
Dr. BRAHAM SWARUP:
It was December 1976 when I reached Nigeria, Ibadan, to work with the University of Ibadan ( Department of Library Studies) as Lecturer II . I was staying with my family ( Sushma, Sameer and Sapna) in Hotel Influential near Makola . I had already contacted two persons before coming to Nigeria: Dr. B. Gupta - a very popular Bengali doctor in Ibadan who replied to my letter very promptly and in great details. She became a very useful reference to me by shear name of GUPTA; she was so popular that where ever, I went, she acted as very good reference for me as people related me with Dr Gupta as we are relations. Second person was ARVIND GOYAL - a research student of the Department of Physics ( a son of Prof. Goyal, professor of Law in the University of Ahmedu Bello University, Zaria ). He also replied very promptly in detail and he was the first person to meet us in our hotel ). He took us to Dr. Swarup,s house on Campus and thus that was our first contact on campus. His house became a frequent place to visit for us for the rest of our stay in Ibadan. Dr. Swarup became a very good friend of mine- very dependable, sincere, helpful, witty, knowledgeable etc.Prof. Swarup was a professor of Anatomy in the College of Medicine , University of Ibadan.He was very social and anatomical in all his dealings. He had five daughters, Manisha ( now in Gwalior) , Namita ( now in Cleaveland, USA) , Kavita ( now in Canada, Toronto ), Manjri ( now in Tornto, Canada) and Mukta ( now in Bangalore, India ); It appears to me as he was with a mission to have these daughters, and the rest for their development.
It was December 1976 when I reached Nigeria, Ibadan, to work with the University of Ibadan ( Department of Library Studies) as Lecturer II . I was staying with my family ( Sushma, Sameer and Sapna) in Hotel Influential near Makola . I had already contacted two persons before coming to Nigeria: Dr. B. Gupta - a very popular Bengali doctor in Ibadan who replied to my letter very promptly and in great details. She became a very useful reference to me by shear name of GUPTA; she was so popular that where ever, I went, she acted as very good reference for me as people related me with Dr Gupta as we are relations. Second person was ARVIND GOYAL - a research student of the Department of Physics ( a son of Prof. Goyal, professor of Law in the University of Ahmedu Bello University, Zaria ). He also replied very promptly in detail and he was the first person to meet us in our hotel ). He took us to Dr. Swarup,s house on Campus and thus that was our first contact on campus. His house became a frequent place to visit for us for the rest of our stay in Ibadan. Dr. Swarup became a very good friend of mine- very dependable, sincere, helpful, witty, knowledgeable etc.Prof. Swarup was a professor of Anatomy in the College of Medicine , University of Ibadan.He was very social and anatomical in all his dealings. He had five daughters, Manisha ( now in Gwalior) , Namita ( now in Cleaveland, USA) , Kavita ( now in Canada, Toronto ), Manjri ( now in Tornto, Canada) and Mukta ( now in Bangalore, India ); It appears to me as he was with a mission to have these daughters, and the rest for their development.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
COMMUNICATION and Understanding
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Communication and understanding
For successful and satisfactory life in the society ( society= at home, children and spouse; at work, colleagues, seniors , juniors and others; in social network of various friends and relatives at different levels etc.. ) , one should develop very strong skills for effective and perfect communication.
Alternatively, a more difficult concept is developing a good understanding about each other. One does not need communication as every body understands each other and the contents they would like to communicate. Understanding is even better than developing communication skills. What we experience in different situations, a failure of either communication or understanding. We may have much better environment around us by developing either one of them or better both of them.
Communication and understanding
For successful and satisfactory life in the society ( society= at home, children and spouse; at work, colleagues, seniors , juniors and others; in social network of various friends and relatives at different levels etc.. ) , one should develop very strong skills for effective and perfect communication.
Alternatively, a more difficult concept is developing a good understanding about each other. One does not need communication as every body understands each other and the contents they would like to communicate. Understanding is even better than developing communication skills. What we experience in different situations, a failure of either communication or understanding. We may have much better environment around us by developing either one of them or better both of them.
My First Blog
Friday, March 5, 2010http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
My First Blog
My First Blog starts with due tributes to my late respected parents ( Dr. Brij Bhushan Saran Gupta and Smt. Chameli Devi ) , grand parents ( Shri Ram Swaroop Mal " Bhagat jee " and Smt. Moongia Devi ) and also my maternal grandmother, Smt. Basanti Devi ); They always live with my mind and heart in their subtle bodies ( Shuksham Sharir ). I grew up under their care, guidance , with their inspiration, love and affection. What I am to day, it is their effort and vision.
Next come a very strong social Network of my relatives and friends who always supported me in all circumstances and with all resources.
with regards and greetings to all of them.
Davendra
My First Blog
My First Blog starts with due tributes to my late respected parents ( Dr. Brij Bhushan Saran Gupta and Smt. Chameli Devi ) , grand parents ( Shri Ram Swaroop Mal " Bhagat jee " and Smt. Moongia Devi ) and also my maternal grandmother, Smt. Basanti Devi ); They always live with my mind and heart in their subtle bodies ( Shuksham Sharir ). I grew up under their care, guidance , with their inspiration, love and affection. What I am to day, it is their effort and vision.
Next come a very strong social Network of my relatives and friends who always supported me in all circumstances and with all resources.
with regards and greetings to all of them.
Davendra
My Naana and Naani
My Nani and Nana:
The earliest recall of my memory is about my Nani ji ( Basanti Devi) and Nana ji ( Ram Swaroop Mal Chobdar ) who belonged to a reputed Zamindar family of Chandpur. Perhaps, I was less than 5 years of age when I with my mother used to visit them often from my town to their place. They used to live in Basanti,s Dharamsala- the only place for community functions like wedding ceremonies etc. and for passengers to stay for over night or for few days. For the standard of those days, it was fairly a big dharamsala and nicely built and comfortable. Its main gate opened in front of Hindu Inter College , back door towards the Railway station. My Nani/Nana used to live in an exclusive and seperate and independent housing facility in dharamsala- in the south east corner of dharamsala, they had a big living room whose back door used to open towards railway station, one small kitchen, a big storage place where my nana used to store all the grains he will receive from his farms; then a fairly big and good tin shed in which there was a wooden chowki where most of the time, my nana ji will sit, or relax and enjoy his small smoking Hooqqa. In dharamsala itself his cows and bullocks etc. also used to live. My nana ji used to be quite busy in his Zamindari work, will hardly be going to town. He used to wear white dhoti, kurta and look always smart with his fair and handsome personality. My nani ji was from Chandpur itself , in fact , where she lived for rest of the life after the death of my Nana ji. My nani ji was actually the second wife married after the death of my nana ji,s first wife. He had a son ( Raja Ram ) from his first wife, we had hardly any relationship or contact with him or his family. My mother was the only child of my nani ji. Her parents loved her too much and I was the most dear person for them. I was like a living toy for them. I can recollect a few incidents of those days;
1. Near the front gate of dharamsala, there was a small room, there used to live one Pandit ji who used to do some pooja etc. so whenever, I will hear the sound of his tiny bell, I will sense that he is going to give now prasad, so I was prompt to reach there every day to get one batasha and one tulsi leaf, so happy to have it and eat it. his place was very neat and clean with lots of yellow flowers with nice smell of Kanair;
2; my nanaji used to put water melon in the well ( which was in the centre of the dharamsala ) to cool it down to eat in the after noon of the hot summers;
3; once, I had a corn in the back side of my foot, he removed it with nehrna ( nail cutter of those days );
4; once my buwaji and phoophaji came from Dhampur, perhaps for some treatment of my buwaji, they stayed for some time in the similar kind of accommodation in which we were living but in the southwestern corner of dharamsala;
5; Nanaji trusted servant to drive him and us in the Bullock cart, Dilawar Singh ( who in fact, worked even after the death of nana ji.till his death in 1950s).
My nana ji, besides the property -shops and houses etc. in Chandpur, had major source of his income from his village-Shekhpuri very near to Sendwar (in Gaga,s khadar; known town as Senadwar, residence of DARONACHARYA ji ); myself and nani ji once went for ganga,s bath to sendwar some times in 1950s;
I had some of his pictures and books which I read when I was living with nani ji during my high school education. "Gul Bakawali " was never ending fantasy novel of those days, it was in a few volumes? in Urdu; His one the frame , perhaps now lost, is well remembered to me for its words : AGAHA APNI MOT SE KOI BASHAR NAHI, SAMAN SOU BARAS KA PAL KI KHABAR NAHI "https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10156893615618109&set=a.10150130484178109&type=3&theater
My nanajee died very young and I missed all his love and affection which my nani compensated later after his death. Unfortunately, I do not have any photographs of any one of them. Nothing else is also remaining, the property in the town, ( two shops in the main market area ) the lands/Zamindari etc. ( one piece of land in Chandpur with SOHAN Singh- a very honest person I have to see such a person ; SHEKHPURI was a big village with his big farming lands ; a main source of income ); I do remember a few persons like Dilawar Singh and Chawwa Singh ) and every thing in the house has been completely lost. only thing remains, the family of my nanaji,s sons family living in their ancestral house. My nani left dharamsala to live with her parental family. My mother used to treat RAJ Bahadur , the grandson of nanaji as the son of her own brother I used to visit that family at time to time without the knowledge of naniji as she will not allow me to visit them.This story ends here.
MY NANI:
Perhaps, my nani was born to take care of me and my brothers. After the death of nanaji, she moved to live with her parental family. When, with my mother visited her for the first time in the new place, no body told me about the demise of nanaji, though I asked about him and out of love, cried for him. I forgot every thing of this place though, we might be visiting her at time to time. I do remember, my first impression of the open air stair case which had very high steps and was very scary for me to get down. Some one has to escort me down. I do remember every thing after I moved to live with my nani in July 1950 for my schooling in Hindu Inter College from where I passed high school in 1953 and Intermediate in 1955. The parental house of Nani was very big. several families were living there; maternal uncle, Hakim Ajudhiya Prasad, ( son of Kedar Nath ), his adopted son Trilokee Nath and his family; ...... and mama Piyare Lal ji, first as single and later with his family.
Nani had special interest for me. I was every thing for her and hence all of her attention, care, love and affection for me. Words will fall short describing her concern about me. when ever, on my vacation , I will go Jhalu, she will be very sad and will cry as I must not go there.
She was an excellent cook, always enjoyed cooking a variety of things, always very delicious. She always used desi ghee, never any other thing . Her PAPPARS were very very tasty very much liked by all.
She was very religious, will observe all the religious festivals and events very sincerely; daily morning worship and prayers was the routine for her ( I remember, I used to wait for my prasad, usually a BATASHA and one Tulsi leaf ); will go for Ganga,s bath very often. I remember going several times with her to Garh Mukteshwar and once Senadwar near our village Shekhpuri where we stayed in our camp (Dera) for a short time.
I can now think of that she has been suffering with High Blood Pressure ( in those days, no body took note of it, so that it could be treated ). As a consequence of that she was suffering with epileptic fits also which became very frequent at later stage. During last phase of her life, she had very miserable life, not taken proper care or treatment. She even lost her memory and senses to recognize things or people. She died in Jhalu though all the last rites including funeral were done by mama ji, shri Jyoti Prsasad ji. Her end was really terribly bad.
When I think of her to day, I feel that if I am in debt, I am in debt for her. She did every thing for me and I could not do any thing for her even in her most needed times to help her and to serve her. I will ever remain under debt to her as I will never will be able to pay back even a bit. These days in 2010, I look back with regrets that I could not do any thing for her and can not do any thing now . I remember her every night and pay my regards to her and wish that we must live together again at some point of time. My brothers, except the youngest one, KML Garg, and my sister Lakshmi lived with her for our education. She was never tired looking after us. I wonder if any one of them even remember her.
She was not educated or even literate but very wise in all the worldly matters. In fact, I learned many of my practical lessons from her especially shopping and dealing with various kinds of people.
The Estate of Ram Swaroop Mal Chobdar was completely over/lost for ever with the death of nani ji.Nothing remains in their memory. The house was very rich with all the things and lot of Jwellary.
see also;https://davendrak.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=765&action=edit
The earliest recall of my memory is about my Nani ji ( Basanti Devi) and Nana ji ( Ram Swaroop Mal Chobdar ) who belonged to a reputed Zamindar family of Chandpur. Perhaps, I was less than 5 years of age when I with my mother used to visit them often from my town to their place. They used to live in Basanti,s Dharamsala- the only place for community functions like wedding ceremonies etc. and for passengers to stay for over night or for few days. For the standard of those days, it was fairly a big dharamsala and nicely built and comfortable. Its main gate opened in front of Hindu Inter College , back door towards the Railway station. My Nani/Nana used to live in an exclusive and seperate and independent housing facility in dharamsala- in the south east corner of dharamsala, they had a big living room whose back door used to open towards railway station, one small kitchen, a big storage place where my nana used to store all the grains he will receive from his farms; then a fairly big and good tin shed in which there was a wooden chowki where most of the time, my nana ji will sit, or relax and enjoy his small smoking Hooqqa. In dharamsala itself his cows and bullocks etc. also used to live. My nana ji used to be quite busy in his Zamindari work, will hardly be going to town. He used to wear white dhoti, kurta and look always smart with his fair and handsome personality. My nani ji was from Chandpur itself , in fact , where she lived for rest of the life after the death of my Nana ji. My nani ji was actually the second wife married after the death of my nana ji,s first wife. He had a son ( Raja Ram ) from his first wife, we had hardly any relationship or contact with him or his family. My mother was the only child of my nani ji. Her parents loved her too much and I was the most dear person for them. I was like a living toy for them. I can recollect a few incidents of those days;
1. Near the front gate of dharamsala, there was a small room, there used to live one Pandit ji who used to do some pooja etc. so whenever, I will hear the sound of his tiny bell, I will sense that he is going to give now prasad, so I was prompt to reach there every day to get one batasha and one tulsi leaf, so happy to have it and eat it. his place was very neat and clean with lots of yellow flowers with nice smell of Kanair;
2; my nanaji used to put water melon in the well ( which was in the centre of the dharamsala ) to cool it down to eat in the after noon of the hot summers;
3; once, I had a corn in the back side of my foot, he removed it with nehrna ( nail cutter of those days );
4; once my buwaji and phoophaji came from Dhampur, perhaps for some treatment of my buwaji, they stayed for some time in the similar kind of accommodation in which we were living but in the southwestern corner of dharamsala;
5; Nanaji trusted servant to drive him and us in the Bullock cart, Dilawar Singh ( who in fact, worked even after the death of nana ji.till his death in 1950s).
My nana ji, besides the property -shops and houses etc. in Chandpur, had major source of his income from his village-Shekhpuri very near to Sendwar (in Gaga,s khadar; known town as Senadwar, residence of DARONACHARYA ji ); myself and nani ji once went for ganga,s bath to sendwar some times in 1950s;
I had some of his pictures and books which I read when I was living with nani ji during my high school education. "Gul Bakawali " was never ending fantasy novel of those days, it was in a few volumes? in Urdu; His one the frame , perhaps now lost, is well remembered to me for its words : AGAHA APNI MOT SE KOI BASHAR NAHI, SAMAN SOU BARAS KA PAL KI KHABAR NAHI "https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10156893615618109&set=a.10150130484178109&type=3&theater
My nanajee died very young and I missed all his love and affection which my nani compensated later after his death. Unfortunately, I do not have any photographs of any one of them. Nothing else is also remaining, the property in the town, ( two shops in the main market area ) the lands/Zamindari etc. ( one piece of land in Chandpur with SOHAN Singh- a very honest person I have to see such a person ; SHEKHPURI was a big village with his big farming lands ; a main source of income ); I do remember a few persons like Dilawar Singh and Chawwa Singh ) and every thing in the house has been completely lost. only thing remains, the family of my nanaji,s sons family living in their ancestral house. My nani left dharamsala to live with her parental family. My mother used to treat RAJ Bahadur , the grandson of nanaji as the son of her own brother I used to visit that family at time to time without the knowledge of naniji as she will not allow me to visit them.This story ends here.
MY NANI:
Perhaps, my nani was born to take care of me and my brothers. After the death of nanaji, she moved to live with her parental family. When, with my mother visited her for the first time in the new place, no body told me about the demise of nanaji, though I asked about him and out of love, cried for him. I forgot every thing of this place though, we might be visiting her at time to time. I do remember, my first impression of the open air stair case which had very high steps and was very scary for me to get down. Some one has to escort me down. I do remember every thing after I moved to live with my nani in July 1950 for my schooling in Hindu Inter College from where I passed high school in 1953 and Intermediate in 1955. The parental house of Nani was very big. several families were living there; maternal uncle, Hakim Ajudhiya Prasad, ( son of Kedar Nath ), his adopted son Trilokee Nath and his family; ...... and mama Piyare Lal ji, first as single and later with his family.
Nani had special interest for me. I was every thing for her and hence all of her attention, care, love and affection for me. Words will fall short describing her concern about me. when ever, on my vacation , I will go Jhalu, she will be very sad and will cry as I must not go there.
She was an excellent cook, always enjoyed cooking a variety of things, always very delicious. She always used desi ghee, never any other thing . Her PAPPARS were very very tasty very much liked by all.
She was very religious, will observe all the religious festivals and events very sincerely; daily morning worship and prayers was the routine for her ( I remember, I used to wait for my prasad, usually a BATASHA and one Tulsi leaf ); will go for Ganga,s bath very often. I remember going several times with her to Garh Mukteshwar and once Senadwar near our village Shekhpuri where we stayed in our camp (Dera) for a short time.
I can now think of that she has been suffering with High Blood Pressure ( in those days, no body took note of it, so that it could be treated ). As a consequence of that she was suffering with epileptic fits also which became very frequent at later stage. During last phase of her life, she had very miserable life, not taken proper care or treatment. She even lost her memory and senses to recognize things or people. She died in Jhalu though all the last rites including funeral were done by mama ji, shri Jyoti Prsasad ji. Her end was really terribly bad.
When I think of her to day, I feel that if I am in debt, I am in debt for her. She did every thing for me and I could not do any thing for her even in her most needed times to help her and to serve her. I will ever remain under debt to her as I will never will be able to pay back even a bit. These days in 2010, I look back with regrets that I could not do any thing for her and can not do any thing now . I remember her every night and pay my regards to her and wish that we must live together again at some point of time. My brothers, except the youngest one, KML Garg, and my sister Lakshmi lived with her for our education. She was never tired looking after us. I wonder if any one of them even remember her.
She was not educated or even literate but very wise in all the worldly matters. In fact, I learned many of my practical lessons from her especially shopping and dealing with various kinds of people.
The Estate of Ram Swaroop Mal Chobdar was completely over/lost for ever with the death of nani ji.Nothing remains in their memory. The house was very rich with all the things and lot of Jwellary.
see also;https://davendrak.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=765&action=edit
My Neighborhood; Jhalu
My Neighbourhood:
I spent most 14 years of my childhood in Jhalu before moving to Chandpur to live with my grandmother (Nani) in 1950. I passed my middle school examination in 1950 and took admission in viiith class in Hindu Inter College, Chandpur- one of the best secondary school in the area in those days.Most of the people in the town were nice, very friendly and social. I never noticed the feelings of caste, religion or community etc.among the people. They used to live in perfect harmony.I had my friends in muslim community to name a few, Rafique Ahmed ( son of Seth Shafi Ullah, a friend and patient of my father ) , now settled in Bombay, Aftab Ahmed, Talib Hussuain, both immigrated to Pakistan, Nazir Hussain, Nafis, Hasinu , Rashid, Shabbir and many more, from Dakot community, Bhagat Ram, Ramesh, Begu etc.Prem Singh from backward community, Brij Veer Singh, Bhupinder Pal Singh, Mahveer Singh, from Jat community; Balram Singh ( brother-in-law of Chhatar Singh), Charat Singh - brother-in-law of Atar Singh ) were friends to whom, I used to visit almost daily.Well, they came from various and diverse castes and communities. I feel now that I used to move with different kinds of people at different times, not all my friends had common and many friends . I thoroughly enjoyed their healthy and happy enjoyable and memorable company. Different interests different friends.JITENDRA had no friends, I used to spend hours with him . He wont talk to any one as he was most intelligent and aware about it; he was choosy.
A sad and lonely person: RAM NARAIN:
Just on the north side of our house on the other side was a big house, there used to live two single lonely persons, Ram Narain and GHARIB DAS. I think that they had no family or family members , brothers, sisters, uncles or cousins etc.or relatives over here or else where. No friends either. Since how long they lived here? I never asked such questions? I know they did not leave any heirs , sons or daughters after their death. Ram Narain by himself or through his ancestors, was a rich man, having a big house and other properties including a well by the side of his and our house for the use of community though he had a separate place out of four places reserved for him to fetch water from the well. He used to bring his own pulley whenever he wanted to fetch the water from the well ( Of course, it used to look strange for me in those days , perhaps, he had his own reason for that). Ram Narain was most popularly known as Master Ram Narain. I never knew his caste ( perhaps, he was Vaish/ Agrawal by caste ) or Gotra. He used to have a smoking tobacco shop which was most popular and famous for its quality of tobacco. He used to prepare the product by himself by using the raw materials.Since morning till evening, was busy in his shop, all alone, after that he will confine to his big house from the back door of his shop.I never saw him going to temple or performing any religious rituals, celebrating any festivals like Diwali or Dussehra etc; participating in socials or community activities, attending wedding ceremonies..... etc. visiting any one in the town or any body visiting him. Very lonely and isolated person. I know he had a young and very handsome son, name ?............( he himself was also very fair and handsome person ).His son died from a prolonged illness. I never saw his mother or wife. Perhaps, Ram Narain,s wife died early enough when he was young and then he took care of his son. Only father and son used to live in that house. After his death, perhaps, Ram Narain became very sad ( obviously loosing only child and family member ) and lonely. I never saw him talking to any one. I had free access to him. I used to visit him often.. He was very affectionate to me, though very quiet but caring. I remember that once, he took out his HIS master,s voice gramophone , a needle and a gramophone record and played it for me , perhaps never again for any one else. Later, after the death, I saw his daughter-in-law, Magno from Hapur , once or twice to visit him and later after the death of Ram Narain, to settle down the matter of property etc. She sold out every thing and went away for ever. That is the end of the family and the property.
Now, after a long time when, I am recollecting the facts about him and writing here, I feel sad about the whole thing as why he came to this world? what did he do except suffering through out his life ? what was the purpose of his coming to this world? what a kind of destiny? He had his small world, lost every thing one by one, first his young wife, then his young son and lastly every thing and no body in his heirarchy to name him or any property to name him. What a miserable life......
POOR GHARIB DAS:
Gharib Das was poor but not sad and lonely person like Ram Narain. Gharib Das lived in one of the corner of the house of Ram Narain as his tenant. It was just one small room of 8x10 feet with two small windows which never opened; one window will open to the porch of Ram Narain,s house, will remain closed for most of the time.One room was his bed room, living room, kitchen and every thing for his life time. In one of the corner of the room , he had Chulha to cook his food and CHAAT for selling for his living. I never saw him taking bath except once in a while at the well site. I wonder as where he used to go for toilet etc.In the morning, he will preapare his stuff , MOONG DAAL or CHOLA which he will sell till noon and that is all for his daily routine.His bed, I never saw clean, though I used to go very often to visit him and his place and I used to sit in that bed. He did not have any family or background that I know of. Almost the same story as of his land Lord, Ram Narian except that he was not sad and perhaps, never felt lonely as he was alone and lived alone.Once a year, he used to go to SHAKUMBHRI Devi temple and annual festival to visit. He was jolly in his nature as most of his customers were primary and middle school children. I do remember going to his place very often, listening to his stories of the day . He loved and cared for me all the time.
I wonder as who took care even of his funeral after his death.
Shri RAM SWAROOP MAL TOLLA:
I often remember him and his family; He had three daughters; Daropdi Devi, married in Kiratpur, had children, used to visit her parents with several children; Shanoo Devi, married in Bijnor; Her husband was working in a sugar factory; I used visit them in Meerut. She was very affectionate and I used to enjoy her delicious meals whenever I visited her; Shanti Devi, married in Bijnor; Shanoo Devi and Shanti Devi did not have the children.Ram Swarop;s wife who was very simple and modest lady, died when Ram Swaroop was old enough. He was left alone. I wonder as how he managed rest of his life alone.I waguely remember that people in neighbourhood never took care of anyone socially or otherwise.Ram Swarop used to work only on Friday in Friday market as TOLLA ( middle man ) for yarn selling. I wonder as he must be earning enough to support his living for the rest of the week as I never saw him working any other thing on other days of the week.What kind of life was that? He was not involved in social or religious activities at least after the death of his wife. He must have lived a miserable life though not expressed.
I spent most 14 years of my childhood in Jhalu before moving to Chandpur to live with my grandmother (Nani) in 1950. I passed my middle school examination in 1950 and took admission in viiith class in Hindu Inter College, Chandpur- one of the best secondary school in the area in those days.Most of the people in the town were nice, very friendly and social. I never noticed the feelings of caste, religion or community etc.among the people. They used to live in perfect harmony.I had my friends in muslim community to name a few, Rafique Ahmed ( son of Seth Shafi Ullah, a friend and patient of my father ) , now settled in Bombay, Aftab Ahmed, Talib Hussuain, both immigrated to Pakistan, Nazir Hussain, Nafis, Hasinu , Rashid, Shabbir and many more, from Dakot community, Bhagat Ram, Ramesh, Begu etc.Prem Singh from backward community, Brij Veer Singh, Bhupinder Pal Singh, Mahveer Singh, from Jat community; Balram Singh ( brother-in-law of Chhatar Singh), Charat Singh - brother-in-law of Atar Singh ) were friends to whom, I used to visit almost daily.Well, they came from various and diverse castes and communities. I feel now that I used to move with different kinds of people at different times, not all my friends had common and many friends . I thoroughly enjoyed their healthy and happy enjoyable and memorable company. Different interests different friends.JITENDRA had no friends, I used to spend hours with him . He wont talk to any one as he was most intelligent and aware about it; he was choosy.
A sad and lonely person: RAM NARAIN:
Just on the north side of our house on the other side was a big house, there used to live two single lonely persons, Ram Narain and GHARIB DAS. I think that they had no family or family members , brothers, sisters, uncles or cousins etc.or relatives over here or else where. No friends either. Since how long they lived here? I never asked such questions? I know they did not leave any heirs , sons or daughters after their death. Ram Narain by himself or through his ancestors, was a rich man, having a big house and other properties including a well by the side of his and our house for the use of community though he had a separate place out of four places reserved for him to fetch water from the well. He used to bring his own pulley whenever he wanted to fetch the water from the well ( Of course, it used to look strange for me in those days , perhaps, he had his own reason for that). Ram Narain was most popularly known as Master Ram Narain. I never knew his caste ( perhaps, he was Vaish/ Agrawal by caste ) or Gotra. He used to have a smoking tobacco shop which was most popular and famous for its quality of tobacco. He used to prepare the product by himself by using the raw materials.Since morning till evening, was busy in his shop, all alone, after that he will confine to his big house from the back door of his shop.I never saw him going to temple or performing any religious rituals, celebrating any festivals like Diwali or Dussehra etc; participating in socials or community activities, attending wedding ceremonies..... etc. visiting any one in the town or any body visiting him. Very lonely and isolated person. I know he had a young and very handsome son, name ?............( he himself was also very fair and handsome person ).His son died from a prolonged illness. I never saw his mother or wife. Perhaps, Ram Narain,s wife died early enough when he was young and then he took care of his son. Only father and son used to live in that house. After his death, perhaps, Ram Narain became very sad ( obviously loosing only child and family member ) and lonely. I never saw him talking to any one. I had free access to him. I used to visit him often.. He was very affectionate to me, though very quiet but caring. I remember that once, he took out his HIS master,s voice gramophone , a needle and a gramophone record and played it for me , perhaps never again for any one else. Later, after the death, I saw his daughter-in-law, Magno from Hapur , once or twice to visit him and later after the death of Ram Narain, to settle down the matter of property etc. She sold out every thing and went away for ever. That is the end of the family and the property.
Now, after a long time when, I am recollecting the facts about him and writing here, I feel sad about the whole thing as why he came to this world? what did he do except suffering through out his life ? what was the purpose of his coming to this world? what a kind of destiny? He had his small world, lost every thing one by one, first his young wife, then his young son and lastly every thing and no body in his heirarchy to name him or any property to name him. What a miserable life......
POOR GHARIB DAS:
Gharib Das was poor but not sad and lonely person like Ram Narain. Gharib Das lived in one of the corner of the house of Ram Narain as his tenant. It was just one small room of 8x10 feet with two small windows which never opened; one window will open to the porch of Ram Narain,s house, will remain closed for most of the time.One room was his bed room, living room, kitchen and every thing for his life time. In one of the corner of the room , he had Chulha to cook his food and CHAAT for selling for his living. I never saw him taking bath except once in a while at the well site. I wonder as where he used to go for toilet etc.In the morning, he will preapare his stuff , MOONG DAAL or CHOLA which he will sell till noon and that is all for his daily routine.His bed, I never saw clean, though I used to go very often to visit him and his place and I used to sit in that bed. He did not have any family or background that I know of. Almost the same story as of his land Lord, Ram Narian except that he was not sad and perhaps, never felt lonely as he was alone and lived alone.Once a year, he used to go to SHAKUMBHRI Devi temple and annual festival to visit. He was jolly in his nature as most of his customers were primary and middle school children. I do remember going to his place very often, listening to his stories of the day . He loved and cared for me all the time.
I wonder as who took care even of his funeral after his death.
Shri RAM SWAROOP MAL TOLLA:
I often remember him and his family; He had three daughters; Daropdi Devi, married in Kiratpur, had children, used to visit her parents with several children; Shanoo Devi, married in Bijnor; Her husband was working in a sugar factory; I used visit them in Meerut. She was very affectionate and I used to enjoy her delicious meals whenever I visited her; Shanti Devi, married in Bijnor; Shanoo Devi and Shanti Devi did not have the children.Ram Swarop;s wife who was very simple and modest lady, died when Ram Swaroop was old enough. He was left alone. I wonder as how he managed rest of his life alone.I waguely remember that people in neighbourhood never took care of anyone socially or otherwise.Ram Swarop used to work only on Friday in Friday market as TOLLA ( middle man ) for yarn selling. I wonder as he must be earning enough to support his living for the rest of the week as I never saw him working any other thing on other days of the week.What kind of life was that? He was not involved in social or religious activities at least after the death of his wife. He must have lived a miserable life though not expressed.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Conjugal Relationship
Conjugal Relationship
CONJUGAL RELATIONSHIP is the most intimate relationship among all the relationships.Even the natural relationships like mother, father brother etc. are considered less intimate after the conjugal relationship is established after the marriage. Everyone one is responsible for each other.They love and care for each other, share each and everything of the world throughout their relationship. Out of natural relationships, this is the most stable and established relationship.Strange enough that two strangers meet at a certain point in life , mostly after the age of 20 or so, and become so much for each other.This relationship is designed by GOD in a very special way with very important consideration to keep HIS creation alive and continuing for ever.HE has created some in-built strong forces which bring the two persons so near to each other by generating automatic love , affection and care ( known as made for each other ). Procreation is the main consideration of GOD. Giving birth to a child and bringing him up is the most satisfying thing for a mother.This is all natural and more than natural relationships ( Any way , Natural relationships are breaking away because of the new life styles and distances of all kinds... ).
In most cases, the girl goes to live with her partner and his family.The girl before marriage lives with her parents and their family. They are influenced by the home and local environment for their habits, behaviors ,language , eating choices etc.( or to say that they are conditioned to certain life style according to their most immediate environment );Finally, they have to leave parent's house and have to adapt and adjust with the new environment. In fact, they are supposed not only to compromise or adjust with the new family but totally surrender if they wish to live happily. Now they belong to them after their parents have taken KANYA DAAN and given her to her in-laws. It is a fact and reality.She and her everything belong to them.It is like a river begins from the mountains, runs through the various topographies of the plane and finally merges to the ocean. At this points, it does not have anything of its own- the taste, depth,width, colour and current or direction of its water etc. It completely looses its identity.
CONJUGAL RELATIONSHIP is the most intimate relationship among all the relationships.Even the natural relationships like mother, father brother etc. are considered less intimate after the conjugal relationship is established after the marriage. Everyone one is responsible for each other.They love and care for each other, share each and everything of the world throughout their relationship. Out of natural relationships, this is the most stable and established relationship.Strange enough that two strangers meet at a certain point in life , mostly after the age of 20 or so, and become so much for each other.This relationship is designed by GOD in a very special way with very important consideration to keep HIS creation alive and continuing for ever.HE has created some in-built strong forces which bring the two persons so near to each other by generating automatic love , affection and care ( known as made for each other ). Procreation is the main consideration of GOD. Giving birth to a child and bringing him up is the most satisfying thing for a mother.This is all natural and more than natural relationships ( Any way , Natural relationships are breaking away because of the new life styles and distances of all kinds... ).
In most cases, the girl goes to live with her partner and his family.The girl before marriage lives with her parents and their family. They are influenced by the home and local environment for their habits, behaviors ,language , eating choices etc.( or to say that they are conditioned to certain life style according to their most immediate environment );Finally, they have to leave parent's house and have to adapt and adjust with the new environment. In fact, they are supposed not only to compromise or adjust with the new family but totally surrender if they wish to live happily. Now they belong to them after their parents have taken KANYA DAAN and given her to her in-laws. It is a fact and reality.She and her everything belong to them.It is like a river begins from the mountains, runs through the various topographies of the plane and finally merges to the ocean. At this points, it does not have anything of its own- the taste, depth,width, colour and current or direction of its water etc. It completely looses its identity.
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